Transcript: Jurassic World (2015)

SLIM Hey, it’s your old pal slim and this is 70mm, a podcast for film lovers. Every Monday I sit down to talk about recently watched movies with my dear friend and artist Danny Haas.

DANNY But also, when I started thinking about it, it’s like… this was stupid.

SLIM And our own spiritual advisor and movie insider, Protolexus.

PROTO It’s hard to like want to pin in on like any one person, when there’s just so many things wrong with this movie. It’s like hard to say like, oh, this character falls flat. Well it’s like, pick a character.

SLIM This is the road to Junassic World — it’s officially here — as we cover the first one: Jurassic World. Not only that, but at the very end of the show, we give our thoughts on the first three episodes of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Enjoy!

[70mm theme song ramps up, plays alone, fades out]

SLIM Obi-Wan Kenobi…

DANNY Oh no.

SLIM The conversation has been piping hot in our Discord, on social media. But we’re not going to talk about it right now. We’re gonna save it. We’re gonna save it until the end of the episode we’re gonna do something different. We’re not going to start off the show with hot to trot spoilers will save it so folks want to choose to stop listening. Once we get to the Kenobi, we’ll get to that. And Kev, as is his want to do, plugs his podcast in chat. I think Kev has learned a few things from one of the hosts of Dune Pod in terms of plugging…

DANNY Yeah, it makes me sick.

SLIM And I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.

PROTO He’s on like a 90 second interval. [Slim laughs]

SLIM Austin Danger Pod has moved spoiler talk to the end of their show. And I thought that was a good idea. So credit where it’s due. We’ll talk about Obi later. But something even better happened this week. You both saw Top Gun: Maverick. Can we talk about this? Maybe we’ll start with Proto? Because as we know he’s, I mean, he’s the talk of the town as the movie insider on this podcast, his IG, his TikTok, you have a TikTok account. Proto, walk us through this experiencing Top Gun: Maverick?

PROTO Oh, well, yeah, everyone was seeing this. You know, I made it through the Memorial Day weekend not seeing it. But I had to get on the inside. I couldn’t be left out. So I went to see it Tuesday. And I wasn’t really sure how I was gonna feel about it. You know, I didn’t, I didn’t rewatch Top Gun. The first one. I’ve seen it, but I don’t really remember. You know, I know the bullet points. And I’ve seen all these five stars. And I’m like, okay, all right, Erica, let’s read. Everybody, relax. Id this another Dune situation here we got going on? But I was I was I was blown away by this movie, like legit, in a way that it’s you know, I can’t I don’t want to be hyperbolic about it.

SLIM Let it out. Hyper me.

PROTO Just an experience like this at the theater. I it just felt it felt really good to watch a movie that was this enjoyable. That had laughs that had emotion. But then had just like, amazing visuals that you knew were real, that were unlike anything that I’ve seen before. Like, you know, a movie, that’s where these characters are in fighter jets. You know, I want to like I don’t think I would go scrambling to see a movie about that if you told me, but it really was amazing. Just so like it’s everything that I would want from a movie going experience, I think, like going into a theater and seeing this. I saw it with my my sister in law and her husband and my brother in law. And at the end of it, you know, I said, you know, I don’t really remember much of Top Gun but I was feeling nostalgic. And like I sent him sentiment about these characters that I don’t even know. And she and my sister in law said she’s like I know I haven’t seen Top Gun and I felt the same way. So I was like amazing for a movie to be able to like communicate that with just like you know the different flashbacks and stuff they did and the thing that really blew me away is that there’s so much in this movie and maybe it felt like corny and campy to some people but I felt like it just toed the line so well with that of, you know, not going too far where you’re like rolling your eyes at stuff. It just like was like it just they just found like an amazing middle ground for everything that they were trying to do in this movie with like tons of great surprises and like plot twists that I just had the best time, it was just so much fun.

SLIM Five star review from Proto on Top Gun 2. Five! Stars! Danny…

DANNY Incredible.

SLIM What about your experience? Didn’t you see this at like a legendary movie theater?

DANNY We were down in Anaheim for Star Wars Celebration this past weekend. And all we really wanted to do was get out of Star Wars dodge and go see Top Gun. So we’re looking for theaters and we’re like we’re only like 45 minutes so an hour from LA. So we book theater tickets to the Mann’s Chinese Theater, you know the iconic theater and it’s been all renovated. It’s an amazing IMAX experience. Seats could be you know, a little better but they’re not, they’re not the greatest.

SLIM Not the couch cushions that you’re used to Orlando?

DANNY Yeah, exactly. So I get to go to, you know, you get to go to the movies with your friends to my dear friends. Friends in the Discord, in the Village friends in real life to see you know to go see Topcon we’re playing we’re playing Kenny Loggins driving up on repeat to La just cruising the streets. I get there, I stick my hands and Spielberg’s hands in the cement for good luck walking in, you know, rubbing, rubbing hands with Spielberg and we have an amazing time this movie felt like an amazing call back to 90s action summer blockbuster, like this fell back to formula for me. I had an incredible time watching this movie from beginning to end. And it just was so much the thing is, it’s just so much fun that’s that’s pretty much it. I have a great time watching this film Jennifer Connelly looks amazing, that Porsche. You kidding me?

SLIM Sexual.

DANNY Tom’s amazing. Tom looks amazing in this film.

SLIM Tom looked off the charts in this movie.

DANNY The only thing CG in movie was Tom, everything else was real life. [Slim & Proto laugh]

SLIM I did have one negative, I didn’t love Tom’s look of rolling up his jean pants into —

DANNY I don’t remember that.

SLIM He wasn’t wearing shorts, he just like rolled up his jeans to his calf.

DANNY Oh, on the beach?

SLIM Tom, come on.

DANNY Give us some thigh action, Tom.

SLIM I need to see the thighs, please! The fighter jet stuff is insane.

DANNY Insane.

SLIM It’s absolutely insane.

DANNY I would honestly tell people to see this in IMAX, get it on a big screen. Get the best picture you can to see this, because it’s incredible. It really is. We won’t get anything like this again.

SLIM Never. It’s over.

DANNY Top Gun 3.

SLIM No, no, no, no, no. I mean we do have Dead Reckoning Part One next year. And Proto, you went on the mission impossible journey you just watched Fallout. I think you only three banged that one, but that’s like a five star from from normal folks from the movie insider a three star right?

PROTO Yeah, I did give it three stars. That is true. But it’s a great time. And I was thinking about it. You know after seeing this, I don’t want to miss an opportunity seeing a movie that Tom Cruise is producing in theaters any more, like after seeing this movie and Top Gun like —

DANNY Did you get the intro with Tom?

PROTO I did get the intro, yeah.

DANNY Oh, the intro with Tom was so good. Thank you Tom. Saving cinema.

PROTO He definitely had a different look going on.

SLIM Maybe that’s what his look is gonna be in Reckoning Part Two. Maybe he’s got the Redford hair.

PROTO I guess he might be behind the desk. [Slim laughs]

DANNY Pushing papers.

SLIM He’s an order in Dead Reckoning Part Two. I wasn’t expecting a five star from proto but it’s it’s great to see that. I mean, I was not expecting the reaction to Top Gun: Maverick. I, of course, was always going to five bang this one, hard.

DANNY You pre-banged it. [Proto & Slim laugh]

SLIM But having said that, it’s a 4.2 on Letterboxd right now.

DANNY Incredible.

SLIM Like, what is going on?!

DANNY We’re back baby.

SLIM Cinema is back. Many directors have tried this past two years, this two and a half years to save cinema. Nolan tried. We know how that went.

DANNY Denis tried.

SLIM Villeneuve tried and he made fun of your sorry ass for trying to watch it at home. He made fun of your guilty self eating Pringles at home and a chicken parm on the floor. But Tom swoop in.

PROTO I was listening to another podcast that covered this movie.

SLIM Really?

PROTO Yeah. Interview with the Podcast Vampire.

DANNY Listen, there’s no better feeling than leaving a Tom Cruise movie. And you see your phone has a notification that says the Interview with a Podcast Vampire has a new episode out and it’s about the movie you just watched. No better feeling to drive from LA to Anaheim listening to these three gentlemen talk about Maverick as you leave the theater.

PROTO I saw the movie and, you know, the next day I’m like, how do I get back to this high? How do I get back? And then I remembered, there’s a Podcast Vampire episode. That’s the way, that’s how you get back.

SLIM You two sweethearts. All those listening, try the Interview with a Podcast Vampire I host with Dale producer emiratis. And Jonesy, former guests on this podcast, The Last Crusade episode, where we wax poetic for about an hour on this movie. We have so much to.

DANNY We have so much to talk about.

SLIM We have so much to get to. Jurassic World. At the bottom of the hour, use the chapters in your podcast app if you wanna skip ahead, use the chapters you want to skip ahead and listen to our Kenobi, spoiler full discussion later in the show after Jurassic World. Do we want to talk about anything else? I mean —

DANNY I hated Licorice Pizza. Let me just get into it.

SLIM I saw you log Licorice Pizza on an airplane and you gave it what? Two stars?

DANNY Two stars and in my office I have like a whiteboard. And it just has little magnet up directors names and recently I put Tarkovsky on one side to never watch again, I’m slowly putting Paul Thomas Anderson on one side to never watch again.

PROTO Oh my!

DANNY Just not for me.

SLIM Wooow.

DANNY He’s not my guy. Okay? This was a snooze fest.

SLIM Wasn’t one of your tags like “PTA retire” on that review?

DANNY I don’t know, someone check my Letterboxd.

SLIM No one check it. No one like this review.

DANNY He’s not for me.

PROTO Didn’t you give There Will Be Blood like less than three stars?

DANNY See? If I can’t give a five banger to There Will Be Blood, I shouldn’t be watching his films.

SLIM You just stole my comment right out of my mouth. Why did you watch it on a plane?

DANNY I don’t know… [Slim laughs] There wasn’t there wasn’t too much.

SLIM You weren’t prepared to be asked that question. Why did you watch it knowing you hate it? “I don’t know…”

PROTO This is what happens! He doesn’t have a watchlist!

DANNY You can’t have a watchlist on a plane!

SLIM This could have been avoided. What else was playing on that plane that you thought about watching instead of Licorice Pizza?

DANNY Oh, there was something else. I forget. Who cares?

SLIM Makes me sick.

DANNY Doesn’t change the fact that I could finally sleep on a plane because of this movie.

SLIM Let’s say hello to PK who joined our Patreon this week, you can do the same thing at patreon.co/70mm, get access to our VHS Village Discord, discounts on Danny’s gorgeous prints. And we just finished our Harry Potter journey. So that entire movie franchise is available for you to listen. If you don’t want to sign up for the Patreon, you can get those episodes on Apple podcast and Spotify by the way, but you don’t get access to the other stuff. Okay? Just throwing that out there. I watched Amelie —

DANNY Oh, for the first time?

SLIM Which you guys raved about in your reviews, five stars I think from both of you. So I watched us for prep for a Letterboxd Show episode. And I did bring up both of you during that conversation believe me it or not.

DANNY Excuse me?

SLIM But I did not love Amelie. This is my Licorice Pizza revenge moment.

DANNY I don’t know about that.

SLIM I don’t know a lot, there is a ton of love for Amelie, and I think it part of your review even called out that like you’ll leave their love this movie or it’s just gonna be too weird. So I was in the kind of to weird camp for Amelie. I did call out though, that this movie had come out when I was working at West Coast Video. So it was like on the shelf like all the time at the video store.

DANNY That green cover art.

SLIM Yeah, imprinted in my brain. So I also saw the The Bob’s Burgers movie.

DANNY Oh, yeah. You’re a big fan.

SLIM Big Bob’s fan.

DANNY What’d you think?

SLIM It was okay.

DANNY Oh, yeah. I’m sorry.

SLIM And I think even Amanda and Art gave it like five stars or some crazy, Art just sickened in chat. I think believe it or not, Amanda James felt the same way. I think James maybe gave it like three and a half stars. So it was fine. It was like three episodes, drug up and drug out.

DANNY Hey Proto. Is there a movie you want to talk about and take a dump on that everybody loves while we’re at it?

PROTO Since dump on, no, there’s actually I had another five star. Please will hold you versus me. I’m making up for the previous months. I watched The Player from Robert Altman. Yeah, this is 1992 starring Tim Robbins. He plays a Hollywood executive who I forget what is that? His title, but he reads scripts and then either accepts them or producer denies them. And he, so he gets a lot of hate mail, because he’s often you know, giving people rejecting scripts. But then he has like this one person who’s terrorizing and biking in harassing him by sending like death threats. And it kind of brings them to the end of his rope where he has to like, figure out a way to deal with this. And that’s like the where the story starts. But then it goes in like a lot of different directions. And it has, you know, I loved most of what I’ve seen from Altman, and this movie was just so much fun. It’s very much like a movie about Hollywood. So if you’re not into that, you might not like it, but it’s kind of it’s not like gushy in the way that Tarantino is, like, once upon a time in Hollywood, where it’s like, oh, it was in Hollywood. The greatest, this is much more cynical. It’s actually you know, it’s in the 90s. And it’s very, like, corporate grinder, stab everyone in the back to get ahead. Also, Tim Robbins, he only wears like these ridiculous double breasted suit, or something. Yeah, it’s wild. But the story was just so much fun. Like I laughed throughout it. It has the list of actors with like, cameos, there’s like 100 different actors that you’ll recognize this movie. It’s crazy. Like you just got like everybody in this movie. On there’s one other thing I have in the chat.

SLIM Ev in chat: Tim Robbins is hot. Can you confirm he was hot in this movie?

PROTO I don’t know if I would say he’s hot. But he definitely, e definitely fills this role perfectly. I haven’t seen a lot of Tim Robbins, I don’t think, but I thought he was like perfect in this.

SLIM I actually thought the, I’ve seen this cover a lot, I thought that was Jack Nicholson on the cover until. you reviewed this movie. I was like, oh, it’s Tim Robbins.

PROTO I was like that was the other thing I was gonna say is that it may is one of the worst covers. For for a movie. It’s just so uninteresting. And I think that’s what kept me from watching it for so long. Like can someone please do something about this cover?

DANNY Tim Robbins in a suit looks like two kids on each other’s shoulders with a suit on.

PROTO He is like 6'6'’.

DANNY Trying to sneak into a club.

SLIM I think it’s time for us to get into, officially, the road to Junassic Movie. Week One. Event one Jurassic World. The first one? Yes. Trevorrow This is kicking off our journey a lot. A lot of DMS a lot of comments flying a lot of messages posted on IG who picked this movie why are we doing this? Whose decision was this? To start this journey? Proto, can you give us the gist of Jurassic World The film to start the discussion?

[music from Jurassic World plays]

PROTO Island Nublar, previously overrun by dinosaurs has been cleaned up and a shiny new park has been built on the bones of Dennis Nedry. Business is booming. But for how long? In the same way that we have grown bored with zoos and they have all shut down. Consumers have grown bored with dinosaurs. What are the technocrat capitalists going to do? Breed genetically modified alternatives to keep the stock rising of course. But what happens if all your employees are morons? And let the killing machine dinosaur out? And what if instead of just killing it, they decide to let it kill everyone at the park? Will it work out in the end? Jurassic World…

SLIM There’s a different part of that music in this movie, right? It’s actually really good, I think. Like there’s a more dramatic portion of the music. Did you notice that? It’s pretty good.

PROTO The downbeat?

SLIM That’s my positive notes.

DANNY That’s your one note.

SLIM Jurassic World 4k. I feel like it’s a sin that this movie isn’t on like Netflix or Yeah, so it’s universals app? Is it Peacock? Was it’s not on Peacock the month of the third movie? Can we get some executives to wake up? Please? Have these readily available, but the French so this is a big journey. I just want to also call out first of all the artwork is insane. But also the fun piece that you designed that I attached to the Letterboxd story that I posted this week.

DANNY Oh yes. I’m having a good time over here. Okay?

SLIM Can we that on some kind of other merch for me to wear? Please.

PROTO Can we just get that all like on everything?

SLIM Can we get that on a handbag or some kind of sticker set? It would just be tremendous. So, for new listeners, we will as we’re watching this, we write down three things that we really want to highlight to talk about in our in this viewing. And we’ll go roundtable around the room until we complete all of our top three and then we’ll give her final reading on letterbox and thoughts. Where do we start? Who wants to go first for Junassic World?

DANNY You picked this movie, you go first.

SLIM Alleged. It was alleged that I picked this movie. I thought it’d be a fun journey. I posed it to both of you. And it got a green light, mind you, from all three hosts. Just before anyone attacks me, crucifies me for this.

SLIM I had a note that I actually wish I put it in a review, but this will be my first note. It’s about a recast. I had an idea for a recast for this movie that I think would be really fun.

PROTO Dwayne Johnson. [Slim & Danny laugh]

SLIM Cut the stream please.

SLIM Mackenzie Davis, who you might know from Terminator Dark Fate, Station Eleven. Halt and Catch Fire. What if everything in this movie stays the same, but she replaces Chris Pratt in this movie.

PROTO Yes!

SLIM Like, are you kidding me? And she and Bryce Dallas Howard, everything’s the same. They have a previous relationship. She’s working on her motorcycle to start off the movie. Oh my god.

DANNY That’s so good.

SLIM Right?

DANNY I love Mackenzie.

SLIM Holy cow.

DANNY My recast was not as good as yours. But my problem is I want Bryce and Chris’s roles switched. I would rather had Bryce as the Raptor trainer, and Chris as the asshole person in the company. Like I would rather that be flipped. Because having Bryce dallas as the, you know, lead like that follows in line with how we have le falls in line with Julianne Moore’s character kind of in these roles in the Jurassic movies as the kind of badass and not the, you know, damsel in distress running around in heels, etc, and making those dumb jokes. Like that’s what I wanted. I wanted that I wanted those roles flipped. That was my recast, but Mackenzie… Excuse me.

SLIM The first 30 minutes in Terminator Dark Fate. Your life has changed. She is off the wall amazing in that movie, so she could totally be Pratt. She could out-Pratt Pratt, IMO.

DANNY Get him out of here.

SLIM Speaking of Bryce, maybe this can drift into my other thought, I hadn’t you know, we’re talking about like the history of this podcast. Remember our Temple of Doom episode with Willie, my thoughts on Willie?

SLIM I was getting Willie vibes from Bryce in this movie.

DANNY I can see that.

SLIM If you remember correctly, I defended Willie, groogrux in chat says “justice for stupid people” I said I was Willie. That’s why I liked Willie. But it just doesn’t work and 20 — what was this 2015, this comes out? It’s like, did no one get the memo? Can we wake up a little bit with the with the character of Bryce Dallas Howard in this movie? Falls flat. Proto, what do you think?

DANNY I agree.

PROTO Yeah, I love Bryce though, as an actress. It’s hard to like want to pin in on any one person, when there’s just so many things wrong with this movie. [Danny & Slim laugh] It’s hard to say like, oh, this character falls flat. Well it’s like, pick a character…

SLIM I mean, I don’t even know you have the main cast is two boys, the young kids.

DANNY And they make no point in this film!

SLIM They’re useless like the first movie. You have a young girl you have Laura Dern. You have Laura Dern. That’s it, end of story, right. And then you just got these chump kids, boys. And then Bryce, who, you know, isn’t really setting the world on fire her character, and you got Chris Pratt. Like, I don’t understand how anyone in the writing process just didn’t like raise their hand like, actually, this kind of sounds lame, guys. What if we change it up? Like what was Spielberg doing? Wasn’t he approving some of this stuff?

DANNY I don’t know. Let’s not bring him into this, please. [Slim laughs]

SLIM He’s 100% innocent in this entire process. So Danny, what’s your number one for Jurassic World?

DANNY This movie has no plot. And it pisses me off. There’s nothing to follow. And there’s there’s, there’s a billion different tiny storylines happening. And they’re so stupid to follow this. It’s insane. To me. It’s just we go to an island, and a dinosaur gets loose. And we have to leave the island now. That’s it. That’s really what it is. There’s no — and what bugs me is the bones of this movie, I love. I love the idea that we’ve made Jurassic Park work, Jurassic World exists. Like who doesn’t want to go to that? Who would not want to? Like that’s what you watch the first Jurassic Park as a kid and you’re like, damn, wouldn’t be awesome if it actually existed. And it actually exists in this movie, which is amazing. Yeah. And I love that. That’s, that’s like, how do I just gets it’s frustrating that that this kind of plot is horrible in this film. That’s just where I’m at for this first movie.

PROTO Yeah. Well, yeah. And I kind of alluded that to that in the synopsis that they’re, they have a problem that people aren’t going to want to come back to see dinosaurs. So they’re going to have to make a new dinosaurs. Like, I hear that and I’m like, I don’t buy it at all. Like there’s no way this is real like no, this this wouldn’t be the case at all. That they would need to make an end there’s no way that they would do it. So like haphazardly, like it’s just like a silly prompt like that. That whole idea is just so dumb to me. Right?

DANNY Billionaires running this park, and it looked like they had the Indominus Rex in a cardboard box. Like this is your news. So small to pin was so stiff. Being pushed up by bars. That was it. That was so dumb. The Super Dinosaur.

SLIM the Yeah, like the plot of people being bored. Also the plot of training Raptors to be soldiers.

DANNY I kind of like that. Oh, to be soldiers, no I don’t like that. I like the training aspect of them.

SLIM Yeah, yeah. But like the idea I mean, Danoff Rios character frothing maniac who’s ready to sick these Raptors on? You know, whomever he can get his hands on. I just was kind of dumb. But your other point was one of my notes was sort of what if the park happened and was built? Like, amazing, right? Like you see the park and it looks 100% real to the point where universal? Can we make this lease? Like what’s stopping us from using 100 acres of land to build Jurassic Park? Like I am now an executive of universal parks with this idea. I am a genius. You have everything designed! Just build it! My god!

PROTO It also looks pretty rad with like the rails, the monorail. The very cool design with the pole in the middle like it looked awesome.

SLIM I mean, it looks good. I would want to go to this at Universal percent. Like I guess that you can’t really do the open land or whatever, but you could build the bird house. You could build the Indominus Rex pen. You can build a ride there, 3d, 4d, whatever rides. I mean, please, let’s go Oh, my God. Take you there. Take me universal right now. What’s your number one?

PROTO Um, well, we already hit on some things. But wait a minute. again. Well, yeah, well, I plan to turn the Raptors into weapons is just like another idiotic idea. Like no one would actually attempt like, this guy’s like, Oh, this is gonna be the ultimate killing machine for the military like once we have these you know they’re unstoppable they’ve been bred by evolution for a million years. Like dude get outta here at it but there are some cool things like the whole like him riding on a motorcycle besides it’s really so like them operating as a as a pack and he’s like the Alpha like that is pretty ba they should have leaned more into that, like that would have been cool if there was like, I don’t know, like add another scene with something like that. But then the whole thing that like the big bad die was the I forget what it’s called the RX whatever, Dominus x the i when they get there, and it starts talking to them. And they’re like, what’s going on? It’s

SLIM I mean, the idea that this billionaire, you know, this, this charismatic billionaire, he’s trying to be like, literally a white knight once he finds out that they build this Indominus Rex, like, Who’s in charge here? Who have this? You You idiot, like you are a moron. How do you approve? How does anyone approve any this stuff without looking at a spreadsheet and seeing okay, this is the DNA of the Indominus Rex. Okay, yeah, I prove that. Get the f ad. I hear it. God prove this. What do you what you’re doing? This is evil. You’re fired. And speeding Long’s like, hello. I was rooting for BD Wong, was like, I was rooting for BD Wong!

DANNY I mean, Dr. Henry Wu is the villain.

SLIM No, no, no, no.

DANNY He’s playing the behind the scenes, he’s doing it without the permission.

SLIM But that is the billionaire’s fault. Like he’s doing his job. Yeah, oversight.

DANNY That’s true to the bill. Shocker. The

SLIM billionaires the bad guy. In my opinion.

DANNY Whose turn is it? Where are we?

SLIM Well, let me go through my notes. I think we actually just exhausted my top three already. And I’m only on number two.

DANNY Let’s kick it while it’s down. Let’s do it again. While it’s

SLIM down. Why two boys, I was so annoyed that just the kids were both boys in this. Like, spread it. Spread it around. Get some girls. Get some girls that don’t get murdered on screen in the most violent way possible. The girl the woman who’s in charge of chaperoning them that was terrifying. Why was that appear? In any way shape or form? She gets killed four times. I like four different dinosaurs on screen.

DANNY They should have killed Jimmy Buffet.

PROTO even funnier.

DANNY Get that man out of here to margaritas?

PROTO Yeah, those characters those boys. It is worse when you think when you think of it in terms of the original Jurassic Park because so much of this movie just feels like it’s just trying to mirror the first one. It’s just trying to say like, Hey, look, this same thing that was in Jurassic Park that you loved work just kind of doing the same thing here. But somehow this movie, this movie is two hours long. It might be longer than the original Jurassic Park. But it has like, somehow it doesn’t have like a single, like memorable conversation. Like you don’t feel anything for these characters. You know in Jurassic Park the two kids with grant you know the relationship rare Yes. Just like those moments like there’s how is this maybe two hours long in there? There’s nothing like there’s no character development other than Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard. Just falling in love for no reason. Yeah, just wanting to clone. Humans want to bone the end.

SLIM Now when he like his introduction, I mean, it’s so corny. He’s working on a motorcycle. Okay, calm down writers. How can we make this man any more masculine? He’s rebuilding a motorcycle, and he catches a fly in his hand. I would slap every writer on this film. If I could

PROTO just line them up and just say

SLIM Benny Hill routine. Care. Trevorrow Oh my God. All right. That was that whole diatribe could be my number two. Let’s move to Danny for number two.

DANNY Number two. I want to talk about something I like but then it quickly turns to something that drives me nuts. I love the Indominus Rex. I love the dinosaur. I love of how terrifying it is. I love its abilities. And I like it in the moment when they find out about the cloaking ability, and the team is out there trying to kill it. And it kind of appears out of the bushes like that’s so badass. Like, that’s one of the like, I love that feature about that dinosaur. And it’s such a great scene. They never revisit it. They never even come back to hit cloaking again ever, and it drives me nuts. I guess the coolest thing about that dinosaur. That seems cool to like there’s there’s great action scenes in this and that sequence is probably one of my favorites. There’s that point where he crushes the guy above the bushes and it splats on the camera. Like I like that scene.

SLIM That scene cracks me up. Because they’re like hunting it and trying to like shoot it. And they have a rocket launcher, non lethal. The thing appears on screen. And whoever’s in charge of that rocket launcher just sits on his friggin hands until the worst possible moment and then they fire Oh my god. Idiotic, idiotic about trying to throw the net

DANNY around his mouth.

PROTO Well that also that they want to try to like, oh, we can’t kill it. That’s a that’s a very valuable asset. Like dude, you have a you have a giant dinosaur loose in a park with like 20,000 1000 guests. Yeah, like you’re killing this dinosaur right get over it’s

SLIM like, how do you not just have a several fallbacks like okay, we have an explosive charge in their skull that we can just detonate at any point. We have no charge in their feet that we can detonate anything slim.

PROTO She would have remembered that they put it in there and she would have taken the doubt

DANNY she would have done its own brains just like the tracking

SLIM is so dumb I don’t know why they just didn’t say it knew that its sister had one because didn’t eat it sibling

DANNY remember isn’t how Yeah, I don’t know why they just cuz it crapped out the first beacon that’s how she found out

SLIM that’s the part of what’s your number two

PROTO only number two I think the thing that made me the sick the most watching this was just the all the all of the like replicating the scenes from the first Jurassic Park and just at the end with the with the T Rex you know standing there giving its roar it felt disgraceful slap in the face. Yeah, I felt like sick watching this. Like that movie is a national treasure Jurassic Park and that this movie is trying to replicate that in some way. And really just like falling on its face over and over and over again and then there’s so many scenes like that and there’s so many scenes that are just like so stupid at the beginning of the movie where it’s like at their house in the snow and it shows the feet of the bird first ah just like a bird like come on like there’s so many like little moments that are like you know nodding towards parts of the the original that and just made me sick made me sick it literally

DANNY stomp on the bones of the first movie the jeeps yeah the building they pick up the banner the Dominus Rex destroys that building.

SLIM Yeah, actually, I liked the idea that probably sounded like one of their one good ideas in the script like we we visit we revisit the ruins of the original park like That sounds really cool. Yeah, but it doesn’t doesn’t really nail it. Unfortunately. I also like the idea of the ruins still being there reminds me of like, years ago where I used to hunt on YouTube for like the Disney attractions that were still there and you’d see people like walking among the ruins that’s that’s cool to see getting banned for life. I mean, that also sounds like a plot of their fourth movie someone some YouTuber walking upon the ruins of Jurassic Park and virginal one. Call us it’s Mackenzie Davis available Mackenzie follies are you using the one person who can go in and save the kids? My number three. Amanda, my wife, my dear wife. She was angry watching this movie. very visibly audibly. She called out a few things. Like when that one nerd linger. was talking about how he bought the Jurassic Park t shirt. And she says like, Don’t you find that a little offensive? And a man is like, isn’t opening the park more offensive than this guy wearing a t shirt. You’re working at Jurassic Park. Stupid ass.

DANNY What else you got?

SLIM seen. There’s a scene where he’s riding the four wheeler into the park when everyone is running away. And as he gets off the four wheeler, a woman holding two guns gives him one of them. That’s how he gets a gun when he runs into the park. It is the most bizarre so I rewound it three times to verify, because he’s right in the four wheeler. He gets up. He has a gun. I was like, Where do you get that gun from? I rewind it just us random soldiers holding two guns for some reason and just hands him one as he gets off.

DANNY Those are paintball guns, too. I don’t understand those guns. Why do you even breed birds?

SLIM At this park?

PROTO That’s number one.

SLIM Worst idea you can have worst case scenario. They’re murdering everyone in the park. Like I just couldn’t get over the atrium scene. It looks awesome. But it’s just nonsense to me.

PROTO They’re killing for sport. For each dinosaur in this movie, he’s never been fed wants to kill

SLIM Danny, you’re number three for Jurassic World.

DANNY I’m at a loss. I think we’ve gone through so much of it. I here’s the thing I have. I don’t have a bad time watching this movie. There’s a lot that bugs me about it. I actually really liked the Jake Johnson character, Jake Johnson. So write that because that’s I feels like that’s me. If I’m working at this park, I have my action figures. I’m dealing with that character vintage shirt from eBay. Like that’s, that’s, that’s my character. So I wanted more of him and the co worker Actually, I’d rather have like behind the scenes with them. I like that I like that part of the story, which seems so stupid that we have a Jurassic World and like the the tech guy part of it. But um, that I’m at a loss

SLIM for this movie. You want to give your ratings right now? Are you gonna give it? Is that what you’re saying?

DANNY I’m gonna three stars for this film.

SLIM Oh my god.

DANNY I’m at three stars. I don’t know if I’ll watch it. ever in my life now that we’ve done it for the podcast. I yeah, I am. I was I can’t finish watching it. I’m like, I had fun. I think it was fun. But also when I started thinking about it, it’s like, this was stupid,

SLIM right? I mean, you could

DANNY have all the stories to tell the story.

SLIM I’m in the same boat. You can have like dumb fun and be angry at this movie. But it’s Jurassic Park. Yeah, that then it starts to like pull you back into the kind of like disgust at the entire thing.

DANNY Oh, my Yeah, the T Rex scene. Dot Bryce doing awesome. Yes. Now, I had to read up. That is technically the same T Rex has been living there since they recaptured her. That’s canon. That’s I had to read because they don’t talk about in the movie. Apparently it’s the director said or someone said that this was the actual T Rex leftover from the original Park.

PROTO How they know they pull them up at skirt.

SLIM That that is probably my favorite shot of the whole movie. Like the doors open sense. She opens the door. It looks awesome. But she’s also standing four feet from a T Rex. Right? She waits so longer runners running at her and then she turns around.

DANNY I was like girl run. But she’s in heels remember?

SLIM Yeah, yeah, remember at the time they did get a lot of flak about the heel stuff and I think when they were filming the new one, the director I think maybe one of the first photos they posted up was her wearing like boots. Like ah we got to wear him boots. I was also just like thinking back to the release of this movie. This was like a big deal. I saw them theory big deal. I mean so big enough for them to make two more even though people kind of dumped on it because it made so much money plus you see the merch everywhere you see the merchant universal you see everywhere Uber all the

DANNY rides are jurassic world now. There’s no Jurassic Park anymore. It’s world

SLIM I mean is this how many? I don’t know the answer to this question. I refuse to look but how many I’ll answer it for you.

SLIM How many franchises are this successful — I’m talking with the Jurassic World franchise — are this successful, but overall not good movies?

DANNY Fast and Furious.

SLIM Oh my… That was Danny that said that.

DANNY I still have fun watching them, but it’s such a successful 10 movies!

SLIM Yeah, it’s good point could be

PROTO Oh my god. Oh, what did you I saw your screen light up what did you find I was just I was looking at its Jurassic World’s opening weekend Do you know that I

SLIM think it was like more than a million or something crazy

PROTO 208 cars opening weekend and they got

SLIM those I was there and got those same writers back in the writers room probably that weekend you guys you boys did it. Let’s get let’s do it again.

DANNY They’re all high fiving there’s

PROTO got a smash hit boys

DANNY margaritas.

SLIM I’m at two and a half stars for Jurassic World. Personally, I think we hit all of my notes. One of my notes in caps send a text. Oh, yeah, when the call fails, like because they’re losing signal. They don’t try to send a text message. Like it’s just over. I can’t communicate with you. It’s over. I mean, also some of the other quotes from Amanda. They shouldn’t even be allowed to use this song. Like the main theme she was getting agitated, came on screen. She’s pissed and was respectful. Yeah, she hated Bryce Dallas Howard. Just absolute disgust from that character from Amanda

PROTO well, even that the story of that character of like, she’s too busy. She’s She’s working too much, you know, to even spend time with her nephews and like, Will she ever realize that you know, get away from work.

SLIM Proto, any final thoughts and your rating for Jurassic World?

PROTO We pretty much hit on everything. My My only other thing was that I write there’s no wonder in all 10 any of this and I think that’s what makes the first one so special is that anytime you can watch anytime you watch it you rewatch it you still have like that feeling of like when they first see yes, you know the dinosaurs. And it’s just magic and it just kind of makes me sad that this movie went this way. But it is still fun. I don’t know. I guess I’m at two stars for it I mean, it feels like a one star after talking about it. But I’m still two stars.

SLIM We’re starting off Jurassic World with a bang.

DANNY There’s only one way to go from here. There is

SLIM only one direction and that’s up fallen Kingdom next. With that scary violent noise in the trailer last whatever it was. You remember that he was close. I do you remember being moderately excited? Because it had a different director. Trevor was gone. And the trailer made it look like it was going to be a horror movie. And I have seen fallen Kingdom

DANNY Josh Mitchell Josh.

SLIM Proto you see fallen kingdom?

PROTO I have not Oh, I

SLIM don’t think I have Mamma Mia. Have I? I’m not sure we have a VM to listen to. Excuse me. Marcy has been very quiet. Marcy had probably in bed tossing and turning as his conversations happened. I want to know part of

DANNY that she’s just she’s she’s gripping that Jeff Goldblum cut out right now. A tightly

SLIM Shriner Marcy from the movie mix a podcast our resident Jurassic Park expert and film expert really film historian. Can you match me first of all, can you imagine the movie Insider? And the film historian Marcia on the same show at the same time?

DANNY Wow, I still beat her instead of file.

SLIM That’s true. Battle the mind. So Becks left us a VM.

[voicemail plays]

VOICEMAIL Hey, it’s Becks, I just want to drop a line and talk about one of the hottest characters in Jurassic Park slash Jurassic World. You might be thinking, Becca, who could you possibly be talking about? The answer is BD Wong. Thank you, goodbye.

SLIM It’s like a labored VM from back to talk about this movie,.

PROTO PSA.

SLIM So next week, we will be talking about Fallen Kingdom. And then the week after that big the big one is the new Dominion. So you have some lead time to watch dominion. We’re not going to be recording the night of opening night. We’re going to give it some time to get those tickets bought on Fandango. But I think it’s time to get into the nitty gritty. Star Wars, Obi-Wan Kenobi. The TV show, three episodes are out. Danny was at Star Wars Celebration. We should probably talk a little bit more about that also, but the love is real on the internet for this show. People are losing their minds. Obi’s back. I’m excited to hear Danny thinks of the first three episodes.

DANNY I’ve been keeping it close. Close to my chest. Yeah, that’s on my chest. Um, I watched the third episode yesterday I believe. Just today right was it what day is it come out Wednesday? Yeah

DANNY The third episode is good. But the first two… I want my money back. [Slim laughs]

SLIM Oh god, a weight has lifted off my shoulders right now.

DANNY If Ewan wasn’t a part of this, this could be the worst thing they’ve ever created.

SLIM If you remember going back, we worse we could not have been any more amped.

DANNY My expectations, right, so high.

SLIM Limited Series. Prestige television. Obi-Wan, can they do a lot?

DANNY I think a lot my problem is where you’re where you’ve talked about the dome this this just does this looks ugly. I don’t like the way this looks. I am I don’t understand how Stranger Things gets 30 million an episode. But we have Obi-Wan Kenobi, arguably one of the greatest characters in Star Wars, let alone anything Disney has. And we have we have to shoot this in a dome. By why is there not sets locations in anything to make this look like what Andor looks like?

SLIM That’s it. That’s it. And or sorry, just before product jumps in. Andor looks like a friggin million bucks. 30 million bucks a million bucks. And that’s a TV show. Why is andorre getting the treatment and Obi is getting this also ran TV set of Tattooine everything looking like butt.

DANNY Because they know will show up anyway.

SLIM Proto, your thoughts please?

PROTO Yeah, I was… I was in a dark place after this first two episodes. Like I didn’t, I didn’t really want to talk about it. Because and I thought am I do I just cut it off now? Like, do I save myself the pain that I’m feeling? And just like whatever it is that I’m watching, do I just say no, I’m not I’m not watching it anymore the show because it’s just too painful. That’s where I was after the first two apps. But then you’re right, there’s like, there’s no way I can do that. Like, even if I hit and I do though, I watched all of Boba Fett, and I hated all of it. And I still watched it all all of it. So it’s like, I know I’m gonna watch it. So So and then I’m thinking like, we’re like we we have these conversations, we know that some of this looks terrible. They have to know some of this looks terrible. So what is going on? And I just kind of, yeah, came to the conclusion that they know what they’re doing with the show. And to me what it looks like at their shows that have been on TV in the past like, this looks like B tier TV, this looks like see tear. It looks like Xena Warrior Princess, or Hercules or Buffy the Vampire Slayer like any of those shows, it looks like that level of quality. And now I’m thinking like that’s not a mistake. Like they are putting that much effort into the show. And I think what they want to do is and I think they’re still like figuring out the process and like the workflow for these shows. But, you know, if they can turn this around a show like this in a year, and have, you know, some of the stuff looks good. Like, it looks like Star Wars, right? Like the robot like the the one droid looked amazing. The one that didn’t talk like some of it looks incredible. I mean, this is some of the props and stuff is amazing. So they have that aspect of it. But if they can churn the shows out, you know, in like a year’s time or whatever it takes, like if they can figure that out, you know, what if they have, I don’t know, like 10 of these shows going at a time at this quality and people are eating it.

SLIM I know we’re the we’re like the only people that I know that have like this reaction to the first two hours and

DANNY I will say I don’t hate the story. I’m I’m okay with the story and I if you’re still listening, and you haven’t watched it yet, please cut it off right now, but I like I really like the latest stuff. I was surprised that they’ve gone this far into toddler layers backstory that that that was kind of a shocker to me. I’ve enjoyed I’ve enjoyed getting more of that. And I’m happy like we’re We’re just getting more female and little girls excited about Star Wars still. I like Moses his character. I think she’s a cool Third sister, whatever it is now. I like her a lot. There’s a lot that I like about it. And it’s really just the story. I am just kind of sick of looking at it already. It bums me out and we to be bored. I’m hurting right now to be bored at seeing Obi Wan fight Vader and come bored out of that fight. Like it boggles my mind that it’s frustrated like it should. We should be seeing this in a theater. We should not be wasting our time on TV with this movie. I’m so frustrated by it. If we get if we get so low in the theaters with with Eldon, whatever his name is, I like him but we should be getting you in in the theater and an Obi Wan theatrical release.

SLIM Even if it’s not theatrical, put some frigging money into this from the first scene with the Inquisitor, and then walking off the ship. And I’m just seeing their rubber uniforms in broad daylight. I was like the first 30 seconds I was like, Oh, no. Yeah, like this is how we’re this is a TV show. It’s not like TV shows. I mean, some Amanda looks pretty good. But like, I feel like this is sub mando. This is like sub boba. Yes. And I’m just like, literally insulted that this is probably just going to be the route of everything like part of set like this is the future of live action. I don’t know why indoor looks different. I’m not sure. When I told you if they had like real sets that they is because they filmed that or like five years ago. 10 years ago.

DANNY No, don’t know dome.

SLIM I just yeah, like the whole even when he’s walking through the town at night, stop. I’m like, this looks like Star Trek. 1960s sets. There’s one there’s one open area of extras walking around. You’re obviously in the dome. And I can’t wrap my head around it like, and I know. We sound like old curmudgeons. But it’s like literally an insult. The whole show is like an insult to me.

PROTO Yeah, yeah. And well, that was my fear. When I saw the trailer, I couldn’t you can immediately tell when you’re looking at the dome. Like it’s so obvious. And and they have to, they have to show that this show is built around the dome. All of these scenes where it’s for people standing in a circle having a conversation, they can’t move more than 20 feet. Like it’s so obvious like what is going on? And it’s like they’re just on a stage. They’re just like they’re literally on a stage they can’t move. And the whole show is forced into these the scenes and forced to be written a certain way. Now, I will say they sucked me in in the third. Right when when you’re in Vader’s castle.

SLIM Oh, baby. That was cool. Yeah.

PROTO I mean, I was getting chilled up like I like at the end of mando season too with some of this stuff. Seeing Anakin Oh, in the Hayden Christiansen out in the in the desert. Ah, that’s that gave me chills. And then just thinking of like some of the stuff that and I also thought it was directed much better. I thought it it it just felt much better that episode. But some of the ideas and just places they could go with with with the Obi Wan character. And just like him dealing with grief, or like PTSD about everything that he’s gone through. It was pretty compelling to me and it got my like the gears turning in my head. And it’s just you know, it’s sucking me back. Like give me like a taste of something really good. But of course like the fight at the end was I don’t even know what I don’t —

DANNY It was dog shit.

SLIM Did an assistant director did an assistant director had to shoot that day. And I know this is my theory that why people like enjoy. I mean I get people enjoy it. But because you’re getting Vader, you’re getting official Vader and Obi-Wan on your TV. That’s exciting. But there needs to be a level of expertise on this stuff. Like Vader. Walking through the it just felt like a fan film. Like this is a fan made film of Vader Washington Raider fan films. And I don’t know if it’s that maybe it’s the direction or you’re just contained in the Star Wars universe box. I don’t know if Deborah did all three episodes. The first two she did she did. I mean the parkour on the rooftop scene maybe want to throw up of her running and doing flips on like, calm down. Everyone calm down on set, let’s rein it in.

PROTO We didn’t have enough of that and in Boba Fett.

SLIM Are both like the Vader walking in the mining field. I started to get like, am I insane? Like, am I the only person that’s looking around saying like, I don’t like this. I don’t like seeing Vader’s legs. I want Vader encased in darkness. I want the only thing that I can see on screen is his helmet and the lightsaber light reflecting on it, but I can see everything. It just looks cheap. The whole thing looks cheap. Why isn’t he using force wind to put the fire out? Why isn’t he using the Force to separate the fire to get Obi? You’re friggin Darth Vader, dude.

PROTO Yeah, it felt very much like a stage play to me. That’s the only thing I could think of like, alright, this isn’t like a real story. This there’s no realism to this. They’re just creating these moments for a play. And that’s really all it is. But why like Obi-Wan couldn’t —

DANNY Yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s interesting.

PROTO We’ve been doing a speeder there and he like jumps on it and gets away or like he’s carried away by

SLIM 10 feet away from Vader and the stormtroopers.

DANNY I don’t understand how Vader just to just grab him, Vader is a very connected to the force though.

SLIM He’s a sith lord.

DANNY I don’t. We literally have a man who’s wearing a suit that probably can’t catch fire because he got burnt to a crisp. Not just walking after Obi Wan laying on the ground. He’s trying to kill him. Like what? I was baffled by the choices in the third trade or —

SLIM Maybe he was scared of, check notes, one random civilian sniper. Oh, that shot bragging about when that one shot rang. All the Stormtroopers are like panicking looking around to see where the one shooter is from they had no clue.

DANNY Obi-Wan is exactly like me. He dreams about the prequels. So that’s, that’s was great to see. And the intro to the first episode. I was I was very excited. That catch up through the prequels. Yeah, where we’re at with Obi, that was very smart and very cool. I I’m just, I’m apprehensive now.

SLIM Very apprehensive.

DANNY I kind of want it over with. That’s the problem. We have Obi vers Vader and I want this over with I don’t want to see it again.

SLIM Yeah, maybe we’ll get some Liam. Maybe Liam will say things. They had a conversation.

DANNY I need more visions of an of Christian and Christian as Anakin. That was bad. We need 100 A second. I thought it was for a second. I thought I was gonna be quiet gone. And then you see it’s Anakin. I’m like, oh, that’s kind of rad.

SLIM I mean, what do you Vader can force project a vision of himself to Obi like and have a phone conversation, but he presents himself as Anakin to mess with it. Yes. And like maybe his arms.

DANNY That’s his stuff, but they’re not going to do it. They’re going to pour rocks on the ground. I’m laying them on fire and drag Obi through it and he’s going to burn his shoulder.

PROTO Yeah, that’s the thing is like, I don’t think I can hope for like a really badass, like, lightsaber fight scene now. How are they going to have like an amazing scene after they just had what they had in the third episode. It like it would just be too like conflicting in in just like the visual storytelling. Like it would just be weird for them to now have like this amazing, badass fight after they have, you know, they’re like tapping sticks against each other. It’s just so weird.

SLIM You know, this almost feels like I hesitate to bring it up again. But episode 91. Like, our reaction to something that isn’t being almost nearly universally loved and weird.

PROTO I don’t know. I’ve seen some comments though. I’ve been looking around.

DANNY This is more than just us out there.

PROTO I think it’s though that if you do it in any like public forum, you get attacked for you know, say this, like, what do you what do you want like an adult show? You want sex? Like nobody wants that. Like, you can make a good family TV show.

DANNY The best thing about Star Wars is there’s so much of it. We’re not going to love everything. So I can’t I can’t I can’t love it all. We can’t love it. Someone’s gonna. Someone’s gonna love Obi-Wan. Someone’s gonna see Obi-Wan and it’s gonna be their first Star Wars intro. And they’re gonna love Star Wars for the rest of their lives because of this. So we’ll get there.

SLIM If a Luke Skywalker show is of this quality…

DANNY I need it cut right now.

SLIM I don’t know. I’m gonna do to myself. If that’s the case, I might cancel Disney+. And I don’t know if I can do that because that means I’m cancelling Hulu. And that means I’m canceling ESPN. I can’t. I can’t do that.

PROTO You need your hockey.

DANNY I need Star Wars back in the theaters.

PROTO Hey but I will say you know celebration. I know not everybody loves Bad Batch but I love to trail I love bad patch and any animated show i is a ton of tales

SLIM Maybe that’s just the route I have to I’ll let the live action stuff exists elsewhere and I’m really happy you’re gonna watch have to go all in on the animation. Keep my movie thoughts private. It’s not safe out there. It’s a minefield on that social media. Okay, I need Star Wars back in the theater. Take a take a please take a gonna make this happen for us and bring us back?

DANNY I need it back.

SLIM All right, we have gone — this is probably our most —

DANNY Every week, everyone, we’re going to end an episode about Obi-Wan.

SLIM I don’t know if the emotional state of show can sustain that they will keep that just to Discord I’m not sure if we want it no no, no, no, I mean, let’s just say we’re doing Fallen Kingdom next week to can we make we critical

DANNY We can’t backtrack now.

SLIM Alright, we need to wrap up Pardo wrap closing thoughts on this week, the beginning of the gymnastic world journey and our Obi Wan journey going off like a wet fart

PROTO Well as as the movie insider, I want to try to find I want to believe that there’s something good in in a two star sequel, a sequel to a two star movie. So I’m going to I’m going to believe that it’s possible that this could be good, I haven’t seen it. I’m going to hope for the best. And I’m gonna have a good time. Regardless of how you I’m just going to choose to have a good time. And I think you can do that you can watch a movie and just Yes, make it happen. Can we just have a good time?

SLIM We’ll see everybody next week for Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom.

[70mm theme song ramps up, plays alone, fades out]

--

--

A podcast for film lovers, inspired by Letterboxd.

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store