Transcript: House (1977)
Transcript of 70mm’s House (1977) Episode.
SLIM Heeey, it’s your old pal Slim. And this is 70mm a podcast for film lovers. Every Monday I’m joined by famous artist, Danny Haas.
DANNY [Danny wheeze/laughs for 5 seconds]
SLIM And spiritual advisorrrr, Protolexus.
PROTO We gotta exorcise this demon out of Slim right now. What is wrong with him?!
SLIM And together as friends forever, we talk about recently watched movies. We’re also joined this week by dear friend Sophie Shin.
SOPH There is something about Tom Cruise that makes me want to just like, throw up.
SLIM As our special guest, Sophie chose the Japanese horror cinema experience House from 1977. If you love movies like we do, you also may be interested to hear breaking news from Sophie early in this episode. Enjoy! [70mm theme song ramps up, plays alone, fades out] Sophie Shin!
SLIM Is our special guest this week. Welcome to the show.
SOPH Thank you! I’m so excited. I’m so stoked.
SLIM People that are listening right now they might have heard us talk about podcasts you were on the past, Hope This Finds me well. But more importantly to the VHS Village, you’re responsible for our transcripts.
SLIM Biiig part of the show. So, we’re thankful.
SOPH Type your words every week. Every week.
SLIM Do you have a favorite moment that you’ve had to transcribe?
SOPH Mmmmm… No, to be honest, it goes in one ear out the other. I instantly forget everything that happens. [Danny & Slim & Sophie laugh]
SLIM The impact we have on people every week just goes right out and everyone forgets instantly.
SOPH No, I mean, synopsis… synopsei? Synopses? [Sophie laughs] are always I think probably my favorite parts. I love them, Proto.
PROTO Wow, thank you.
SLIM When we have guests on the show and one that pops up in mind recently was Boom on our Romeo and Juliet episode, we stalk your Letterboxd top four as a way for people that are listening to kind of get to know you better.
SOPH Oh God.
SLIM So I pulled it up. I went on my old computer, pulled up your top four. So this is kind of how the community learns more about you, the vibe. Get your vibes. And we’ll skip over one because it’s been talked about to death, with Proto. The Farewell.
SOPH Why? We don’t have to skip over it! We can talk about it more. [Slim & Danny laugh]
SLIM I’m not sure if those wounds have been healed yet. That’s why I wasn’t sure if I should bring it up.
SOPH I was like honestly hoping Proto would maybe watch it for tonight but…
PROTO We were all hoping for that. [Danny laughs]
SLIM Proto, you ready to reveal that in secret you finished The Farewell in honor Sophie Shin’s appearance on 70mm.
SOPH No you did not!
PROTO Is this my moment? [Slim laughs]
SOPH No you did not.
DANNY This is it.
PROTO Is this my moment where I say if I did watch it or I did not?
SLIM Maybe we should wait depending on the answer.
SOPH I’m sweating!
SLIM I’m not sure if we’re ready for more wounds.
PROTO If we don’t want to wound each other… [Sophie & Slim & Danny laugh] Maybe we’ll forget about it.
SLIM So The Farewell I think is your number one movie on Letterboxd right now. Walk us through it, The Farewell.
SOPH Yeah, I mean, okay, first of all, I don’t feel like my top four are necessarily in like order, per se, I think I just like kind of threw them in. To be honest, it was very daunting for me to make that top four so we just went with like movies that in my recent memory I know that I really love and are probably some of my favorite movies. So I think like three of them are probably from the past like two or three years.
SLIM My god.
SOPH Um, but I mean all of them are kind of movies that I see myself in in some kind of way and that are really well done too. So I think The Farewell’s in there, Spirited Away, Booksmart, and Minari.
SLIM That just cut out my next 10 minutes. I was gonna make it like a real dramatic reveal of your movies… [Danny laughs]
SOPH Oh sorry, sorry! Okay. Let’s restart! Let’s restart!
PROTO Roll it back!
SOPH I was doing your job.
SLIM Little known fact, your number two movie on your Letterboxd top four, Spirited Away!
SOPH Yeah, yeah.
SOPH I mean, that was a somewhat recent one. I had The Lion King in there before Spirited Away.
DANNY Oh my gosh! The live action?
SOPH Uh, no. [Danny laughs]
SLIM Stop it.
SOPH Who said that? Proto or Danny? [Sophie & Slim laugh]
DANNY That’s not necessary.
SOPH No, I had the original Lion King in my top four. And then I recently watched Spirited Away. And I’m just like, I remember watching this, like, almost every weekend as a kid and just like totally seeing myself in Chihiro and being this like combination of like, in awe of the movie, but also terrified of it. And I feel like I connected with a lot of movies that like kind of scared me when I was a kid weirdly. So I rewatched it recently for the first time in a while and I was like, I’m putting this in my top four. It’s just, it’s so good.
SLIM Wow. Yeah, Danny, where does that place? You’re a Ghibli boy. Where’s that place in your list?
DANNY In my list, not as high, I don’t think. It is pretty incredible. Nausicaa sits as my number one for sure. It actually, it just depends on my mood I think. If I need like, if it’s a rainy day here in Florida, I’m putting on Totoro. And I’m sitting back and I’m watching Totoro. I love Kiki’s. It’s really hard to me. I mean, my number one is Nausicaa, anything after that is number two I guess. It’s so hard.
PROTO I’m getting emotional just thinking about these movies.
PROTO Howl’s Moving Castle. Are you ready?
SLIM Have I seen that one? I don’t think I’ve see that one.
DANNY You still haven’t seen Howl’s?
SLIM It’s still on my to-watch list.
DANNY Oh, man.
SOPH It’s good.
PROTO Gotta wait for the 4K.
SLIM Ugh, I’m not watching it if it’s not in 4K. Get it outta here. [Sophie laughs] Outta ma’ face!
SOPH Here we go.
SLIM Number three movie that you haven’t revealed yet in any way on this episode. [Sophie & Danny laugh] Booksmart. Number three movie in your top four.
SOPH I loooove Booksmart and that, like, again, all these movies, I connect to you in some kind of way. Because I feel like I see myself in them in some kind of way. And Booksmart I feel like I just have so many relationships, like friendships in my life that are like the friendships in Booksmart and I think it’s just hilarious and I love just seeing two women just be absolutely, like, stupid and funny, but also, like extremely smart and quirky and witty. So I love that movie.
SLIM Is that Olivia Wilde directed that right?
SLIM That’s the movie with the underwater scene in it. At the party.
DANNY It was gorgeous.
SLIM Holy molyyy.
SOPH Oh, yeah. With Perfume Genius playing. So good.
SLIM You talk about cinematic genius.
DANNY Has she done something since? Olivia?
SOPH No, I think she’s working on something right now if Harry Styles, who I think she might be dating apparently?
DANNY Oh my!
SOPH They were seeing holding hands which is, oof! It’s spicy.
PROTO There it is. Locked in.
SLIM Topic for another podcast I think.
SOPH Yeah. [Sophie laughs] I love it.
SLIM Number four movie, Minari, the topic of our Discord du jour for quite some time.
SOPH Jesus. I like, I try not to hold it against you, Slim, that it wasn’t like at least a four and a half. [Danny & Slim laugh] And it’s like, I didn’t think we would have to talk about it but I just don’t see how anyone could rate that lower than at least a four and a half. Like I understand like five is a lot but like it’s just a four and a half star movie like no matter what. But…
SLIM I remember rating that movie of four star and I knew it was going to ruffle feathers.
SOPH What did not like about it? [Slim laughs] Let’s get into.
PROTO Let’s get into it.
DANNY Let’s start there.
SLIM This is one of those movies where if I had cried in it it probably would have been four and a half or five stars.
SOPH That doesn’t make sense. [Sophie laughs]
SLIM There just wasn’t a moment — [Danny laughs] This is how I rate movies, Soph!
PROTO We gotta exorcise this demon outta Slim. What is wrong with him? [Sophie laughs]
SLIM See this is the beauty of Letterboxd. We can feel like a four star movie rating from someone is a two star, because they don’t rate it as highly. Yeah for whatever reason that movie I didn’t have that moment where I was like sobbing or whatever. But I still liked it a lot. I thought it was very good.
SOPH Alright, that’s fair, I guess.
SLIM So you’re just gonna have to deal with that answer. [Slim & Sophie laugh]
DANNY That’s as much as you’re getting from him.
PROTO Great movie minus sob job. Four stars.
SOPH Sob knob. Sob knob was not turned all the way up. [Slim laughs]
DANNY Someone dial up that sob knob.
SLIM That’s a merch idea. Wait until 8am tomorrow morning and Danny reveals some sob knob merch.
DANNY I’m not putting sob knob on anything! [Slim laughs] I’m not putting on anything. You guys get — open your own web store with the sob knob merch. [Danny laughs]
SOPH I’ll bring sob knob somewhere else, don’t worry.
SLIM You know we’re gonna get a Shopify email, 9am, “we’ve reviewed your sob knob merch and there’s an infringement.”
DANNY Dial it back 70mm.
SLIM There was another reason to have Soph this week, too. Biiiiig reason.
PROTO Excuse me?
SLIM This is maybe what the VHS Village has been waiting for!
SOPH The worst kept secret of all time. [Slim & Danny laugh]
SLIM Marketing mavens! You and a few other friends from our Discord, the VHS Village have been conspiring on something that might interest, you know, our group of friends, our listeners at the VHS Village. One of which, [Slim voice cracks] Boom. That voice crack right there. Boom from the Cinenauts. [Slim laughs]
SLIM Mel from Discord and friend of the show Maggie, on something. What is, what have you been conspiring on? Are you ready to reveal what it is once and for all?
SOPH Ummmm, so we’re doing a podcast, because there’s not enough out there. And it might be called FILM HAGS.
SOPH And I guess it’s out there now and… oh God, all the pictures are coming in the Discord.
SLIM It’s all in the chat right now.
SOPH Yeah, no, the four of us are getting together to do a podcast called FILM HAGS, we’re gonna be watching movies together and talking about it, very much like you guys, but not three white dudes. [Slim & Danny laugh] Yeah, we’re reclaiming the word hag. You know, it’s usually this like derogatory term for women and all that kind of stuff. So we’re taking it, we’re owning it and we’re making it something fun. And yeah, we’re gonna be talking movies every week, we’re gonna take like a seasonal approach. So every season we’re gonna do a different theme. And we’ll all have a couple picks for said theme. So our first season is gonna, hopefully drop May 25th.
SLIM May 25th-ish.
SOPH I am 100% confident with that date… [Sophie & Danny laugh] And our first theme is going to be movies that are ‘burned into our brains’. So like, for whatever reason, whether it’s like a movie poster, or a song in a movie or a scene in a movie, for some reason, this movie has been like imprinted in our minds forever.
SLIM Are you ready to reveal what your pick is? Right now, live on the show! What are some things that were burned into your brain?
SOPH Mmmm. I don’t want to reveal my pick. I do have, I do have a pick.
DANNY What’s Mel’s pick? [Slim & Danny laugh]
SOPH I can’t just like tell you all of the movies!
PROTO Just one! We’re only asking for one!
SOPH Okay, my pick is going to be a horror movie. [Slim gasps]
DANNY Ohhh, cool.
PROTO Ohhh kay!
SOPH No one was happy about it. [Sophie laughs]
SLIM Oh my God.
DANNY Love it.
SLIM So Mel, maybe Boom or Maggie, in chat, link to the Spotify or link to the Pocketcast. We’ll have links to the show in the episode notes. I’m really excited.
SOPH Thank you.
SLIM Because this has been teased for some time. Maybe everyone figured it out by now. But I am very excited to hear from different perspectives on film outside of us.
SOPH Yeah, we’re stoked.
SLIM Super pumped.
SOPH Can I, can I say something? Just a little cheesy right now.
DANNY Uh oh.
SLIM Uh oh.
SOPH I just want to say thank you for being so supportive to us hags and FILM HAGS in general, like the love that you guys have shown us and like the support has been, like, next level and we’re super, super appreciative. And, yeah, you guys are just the real deal. You’re as nice as you seem. And that’s all, that’s the only nice thing I’ll say all night to you. [Sophie & Danny laugh]
SLIM The sob knob is off the charts right now.
DANNY He’s still only giving that four and a half stars. [Slim laughs]
SLIM My Minari rating stays at four, Soph, okay? You haven’t budged me! But no, we’re very thankful for the community that has sprung up from this podcast. And it’s super rewarding, obviously, to meet so many nice people. But to have something new created from those people I think is amazingly special. So I’m pretty excited.
SLIM With that said, you might have even heard it from the intro, but we often talk about our friends’ podcast on the show, we want to support our friends. And we should, figured we should make it official at some point and give our little community of podcasts a name. So we did and it’s called TAPDECK. So these are going to be podcasts from all of our friends, such BAT & SPIDER who we talk about all the time. Cinenauts, Dune Pod, FILM HAGS, will be in TAPEDECK, Will Run For and Lost Light. So we’ll have links to all the podcasts on 70mmpod.com. So if you’re looking for something new to listen to, you know, different perspectives than 70mm, FILM HAGS especially. So, listen to these podcasts, support our friends, and because we think they’re pretty great.
SOPH So exciting!
SLIM Boy, we got all the news out. Should we talk about movies that we watched this week? I kind of know that Danny watched some interesting flicks this week.
DANNY I did… gimme two seconds. Sorry.
SLIM Oh, he’s loading that up. I see Letterboxd getting fired up right now.
DANNY I’m replying to someone in Discord.
SLIM Danny, we’re doing a show right now.
PROTO Reply. [Slim laughs]
DANNY Listen, I said hold on, you can cut this for editing.
SOPH Look at that art!
DANNY Anyyyy way.
PROTO That red sticker. I might get a tattoo or that on my cheek.
SLIM Is this the greatest logo? That’s another thing I didn’t call out. The logo of TAPEDECK. Are you kidding me right now?!
SLIM The mark type of this thing.
DANNY You say mark type one more time in my presence! [Slim & Sophie laugh]
PROTO The kernings are off the chart!
SLIM The curling of the letters!
DANNY I love you. Let’s move on. [Slim laughs] Yeah, let’s talk about the movies I watched this week, because I want to. This week I watched a movie because, actually I watched it today. Because BAT & SPIDER and Chuck wouldn’t shut up about it. Slim goes on and on about this man. I watched Jean-Claude Van Damme’s Bloodsport for the first time. And it was absolutely incredible. I was, I was trying to work while I watched it, and I could barely do it. Because I couldn’t keep my eyes off this man. The things he was doing in this film.
SLIM His body.
DANNY My mind was blown! Like I recently saw that commercial where he did the split between the semis I’m like that’s fake. But he’s doing it in this film. The splits he’s doing!
SOPH Yeah, he likes splits.
PROTO That is not a stunt double!
DANNY I can’t get over the splits!
SOPH Is this the movie with the blank tank and the —
DANNY No, yeah, yeah, yeah, he’s got that tank tucked into the khakis over his navel.
SOPH So hot.
DANNY I was impressed.
PROTO Is Bloodsport the one where he gets the dust thrown in his eyes?
DANNY Yes! Yeeesss.
PROTO Yes! Yes!
DANNY The ending was so good.
SLIM It’s amazing. The two, him and his friend at the end of that movie.
DANNY Ray. Ray. Everyone needs a Ray in their life.
SLIM Them professing their love for each other.
DANNY I was blown away!
DANNY It was so good!
SLIM Before we go on, how about the scene post-coitus JCVD?
DANNY Excuse me?
SLIM She looks over to him. He’s pulling up his undies. And you can see his buns.
SLIM Like for a half second.
DANNY Half second.
SLIM I’ve never seen a man’s buns that look like that before in a film.
SOPH They’re probably tight.
SLIM They were the tightest buns I’ve ever seen… next to a hot dog bun.
SOPH Danny hates this. [Sophie & Slim laugh]
DANNY It’s like fleshy helium balloons.
SLIM FILM HAGS Season Two: JCVD’s buns. [Slim & Danny laugh]
SOPH Whole season on butts.
SLIM So you watched The Untouchables and didn’t love it. I saw that.
DANNY Did not love it. I mean, Kevin Costner is killer in it, but it’s a — De Palma. What are you doing in this film? I couldn’t get over it.
DANNY And then I came across, something gotten my crawl about watching Mission Impossible. The first one.
SLIM Let it out.
DANNY And I just can’t get over how good this film still is. I really love it. The pacing’s so good. The cinematography is so cool.
SLIM The action.
DANNY The action’s rad. And Tom Cruise is still you know, the greatest actor of all time, right?
SLIM Yep, confirmed. Soph, you’re ready to confirm that as well, right? On this podcast.
DANNY Can you confirm that too, Soph?
SOPH There is something about Tom Cruise that makes me want to just like throw up.
DANNY We saw that this week. [Sophie laughs]
SLIM Thanks for joining, Soph, we’ll see you next time.
DANNY It’s been a good episode.
SLIM Have a good night everybody.
SOPH I’m sorry!
SLIM What’s your favorite Tom Cruise movie, Soph?
DANNY You can’t say Edge of Tomorrow.
SOPH Uhhh… I guess like Top Gun is pretty good. But he’s also annoying in it. I just find him so incredibly annoying.
DANNY Ohhh my gosh.
SOPH It’s like he’s constantly on cocaine or something. [Slim laughs]
DANNY Excuse me.
PROTO Did you see — did you see him in that role? Where he was jumping on the couch?
PROTO Did you see that one? That was crazy.
SLIM You talk about being in love with a human being.
DANNY The love that he had.
SLIM He was so in love at that point with Katie Holmes. He had to jump on that couch. For Oprah.
SOPH Yeah, not into it.
PROTO His best role some say. [Slim laughs] The real one. Who will play Tom Cruise in the eventual movie —
DANNY Timothée Chalamet.
SOPH Oh… no.
SLIM Tilda Swinton. [Danny laughs]
SLIM It’s a Dune Pod reference. Part of TAPEDECK productions. Proto, what did you watch this week?
PROTO Oh, me? It’s my turn? I only watched one movie.
DANNY Not The Farewell.
SOPH Not The Farewell. [Danny laughs]
PROTO That is correct. You know what, I thought about it.
DANNY Oh, man.
PROTO In the past week, I thought about it at some point.
SOPH And at no point, you could just get yourself to watch 10 more minutes. [Slim & Danny laugh]
PROTO I’m just saying, that’s progress. Right? That’s progress. I’m thinking about it. It’s on my mind. Crossed my mind. You know, next time it comes around and might be like, hey, I’m in front of the TV. Maybe I’ll put this movie on. [Sophie laughs] But we’ll get there. Alright, so this week, I watched The Mitchells vs. the Machines.
SLIM Oh wow.
SOPH Oh I did too!
PROTO Yeah, I watched that with my family. Even my two year old managed to sit and watch the movie with us.
SOPH Oh, nice.
PROTO What a blessing. But yeah, this movie is about a family who is pretty dysfunctional. Some would say, they would say, they would say that about themselves. But they have to save the world. And they have no other, no other choice. This is a — was this — I think it’s Sony. I love the art. The animation is so much fun. And the main thing is like this movie was made for the YouTube generation. Like this was like watching those videos that your kids watch on YouTube as a movie. It had a lot of feels like that. So my daughter loved it. And it was really funny. So I had a great time. I gave it four stars. What did you think Sophie?
SOPH Um, I had fun with it. Like obviously the animation is like, I loved everything about the animation. I thought it was like an assault on your eyes, but in like a really, really amazing way. But for some reason, the story just didn’t do it for me. Like, I don’t know if like, I’m just so used to like Pixar stories that are like actually, like, deep and kind of like hit you in the soul. But this one was like, Oh, the phones — technology is attacking you and like the evil person is like a phone with like, a mad face on it. And it just like didn’t really feel, I don’t know that like, I didn’t connect with that that much. But also I had to like, I had to keep reminding myself that like it was a kid’s movie and that like it can only go so far with that.
PROTO I’m with you. It’s no Spirited Away. I think we can all agree. [Sophie laughs] I think we can all agree about that.
SOPH Nothing is
SLIM FILM HAGS co-host Maggie quote in chat “Sophie is a hater.”
SOPH Yeah, I mean, that’s not wrong. [Danny & Sophie laugh]
PROTO Hags gonna hag. Can I say that? [Sophie laughs]
SOPH Hags gonna hag!
SLIM I think I did give it three and a half stars.
SOPH Yeah, same.
SLIM I was pretty much similar. But like, Danny hasn’t watched it yet. How come you haven’t watched it yet? This feels like family movie night.
DANNY Family movie night. Tomorrow night. We’re doing it. Friday night.
SLIM Oh, I’m gonna make a bold prediction.
DANNY No, you’re not.
SOPH 5 stars.
SLIM 5 stars from Danny.
SOPH Sorry, I took it away from you Slim.
SLIM Kids are gonna be laughing. Danny’s gonna be sitting in, he probably has a dad Lazy Boy in the corner of his room. But he’s just gonna be taking it all in and seeing his kids laugh, just gonna be like, yeah, it’s a five star movie.
DANNY It’s what I live for. [Sophie & Slim laughs]
PROTO Five star family moment. Oh, man. Is there anything better?
PROTO You’re walking out of that room with 30 stars! You kiddin’ me? [Slim & Danny & Sophie laugh]
SLIM Alright, let’s see. We have House to get to. I haven’t even mentioned the title of the movie House, which is our movie of the episode that Sophie picked. We’re rapidly running out of time. I think we should get into it now. But before we do, I should mention the Patreon, you know, four bucks a month you can join our Discord. We’re talking about live chat right now. Get exclusive backlog of episodes. And we have a few folks that joined this week. Dan and Sawyer, Sawyer joined today. So thanks for joining us. Thanks for joining the community. And one other piece of business. Every week we give away free year of Letterboxd Pro, it’s a social media site that we all have fun making fun of each other’s four star reviews that quote unquote “should be higher” and if you share the show on social media, you get a free year of Letterboxd Pro. You’re entered in to win a chance and this week’s winner is nosoulnoproblem.
SLIM On IG, dear friend of the show.
SLIM And if you want to just support Letterboxd in general, and you’ve been itching to upgrade to Pro or Patron status to get rid of ads, get rid of, take a look at some really great stats and see where your movies are streaming, you can do so using the link on 70mmpod.com to get 20% offfff. Let’s get into House.
DANNY Let’s do it.
SOPH Let’s do it.
SLIM Streaming right now. Criterion. HBO Max. HBO, we’re out here. Just FYI.
SOPH Thirsty for HBO.
SLIM That’s a merch idea right there too! [Slim & Sophie laugh] Put that on some booty shorts! I’ll wear those to the gym for sure. Proto, can you guide us through House?
SOPH Oh my god, I’m so excited for this. [music from House plays]
PROTO Gorgeous is upset. Her father has finally returned to her in Japan with the news that he is engaged. Heartbroken, Gorgeous writes her aunt, and ask that she can come visit for the summer, along with six of her girlfriends, Gorgeous makes the long trek to our aunt’s isolated house. Very quickly the girls discover that this house is not normal. And by not normal, it eats people. One by one, the girls are chopped, crushed, dissected and squeezed into juice by the house. Not all vacations are dreamy. Not all cats are unpossessed. And no inanimate object can be trusted in House.
[music from House ramps up, plays alone, fades out]
SOPH You did good.
SLIM This was your pick, Soph, for Leading Ladies Month.
SLIM What’s your background on this movie?
SOPH Um, I mean, I saw it once before, before coming on. And it blew my mind. Like I feel like it blows everyone’s minds in probably different ways. And I loved it. Like I instantly fell in love with it. And I remember just thinking like, I want to keep watching this again and again to like, find new things about it. And — [Sophie laughs] Sorry, the Discord is really distracting right. [Slim laughs]
SLIM The chat is a mess tonight! Eric, can you run that cat through your algorithm? [Slim & Danny & Sophie & Proto laugh]
DANNY So much is getting edited tonight.
SLIM Eric, please, please!
SOPH I think I need to put the Discord down.
DANNY Yeah, I need to minimize this one. [Slim & Proto can’t stop laughing]
SOPH Alright, we’re doing good.
SLIM Yes! So you’ve seen it before?
SOPH Yeah. I’ve seen it before. Needed an excuse to watch it again. And you guys asked me to come on. And I was like really sweatin’ trying to figure out what I wanted to talk to you guys about. And I was just like, whatever. It’s so chaotic. And I feel like we’ll have so much fun with it. So I just went with it.
SLIM Yeah, I remember watching this movie for the first time, I think last year, and I had never experienced a movie like this in my entire life. It’s very strange.
SOPH Yeah, there’s nothing else like it.
SLIM Proto, what’s the first thing on your on your list for this movie? Any any early vibes for House?
PROTO Oh, I did terrible taking notes for this. So I’ll let you guys lead the way but my first note says that the music and the sad piano. The music in this is just so wild. The way it’s layered over top of each other. I think the the early scene, maybe it was like the transition from the first scene to the second scene where it had like one tune playing. And then once it switched, they like they were playing at the same time and the other one faded out. And it was like chaotic, but kind of work together at the same time. And the soundtrack to this is pretty bonkers. And it matches the movie really well. And yeah, I was vibing with it. I liked it a lot.
SOPH Yeah, I feel I like that one song that kind of plays throughout the movie on like the piano. And I like how like when it comes back, you know, it’s something’s, something’s going on.
SLIM Danny, what is on your list for House? I’m very anxious to hear what your vibes were.
DANNY Are you? My vibes. Okay, so I was, my first note, I was triggered by this father coming home and saying that Sergio Leone, said that his music was better than Marconi. Did you hear that?!
PROTO That was great.
DANNY I was like, excuse me, sir. I’m gonna need you to play some music right now.
SLIM Did you recover from that?
DANNY Yeah, I did. Because I was bored for like the next hour. [Sophie gasps]
SOPH What! [Danny laughs]
PROTO Here we go.
SOPH Excuse me!
PROTO Here we go.
SOPH You were bored?!
DANNY Yes, but it quickly turns around. But yeah, the conversations, I was having a hard time keeping up. But connecting everything that was going on. It felt chaotic before it got to the house, where I was trying to figure out what they were doing. Why they thought this professor was hot. And the car that he drove, and then whose house they were going to for the summer. And then whose house got canceled? Who was the the new mom? And then there was just Gorgeous and Mac and Kung Fu and I was just, I was trying to keep up. And then I was like, oh, now, I need to shut off some part of my brain right now. Because I can’t be thinking logical right now.
SOPH Yeah, I do think there was like, in my opinion, like a one or two too many girls like, I wish there was like five of them.
SLIM There’s 15 in this movie. [Danny laughs]
DANNY I actually don’t mind the amount of girls. I think that just should have been like one storyline. Hey, we’re going to this house. Let’s go! And not like, all these different things with the mom and the step mom and then her laying in bed with the flowers and the pictures, I was just, because I thought that has more to do with it. But it was just her aunt.
PROTO Danny, if I asked you 10, if I gave you a 10 question quiz about House right now. How many do you think you could answer?
DANNY I think I can answer all the questions.
PROTO Which girl died in the clock?
DANNY The clock was… uh… Sweet.
PROTO There he is. [Slim laughs] He’s tracking. He’s tracking.
SOPH Yeah, even when you were you like ‘I don’t know this thing and this thing’ and you were just listing things you knew about the movie.
DANNY It just got, it got bonkers fast for me. And I’m like, I’m not keeping up. And then I was just kind of taken out of it. But when it gets to the house, well actually when it gets to the guy selling the watermelons, I was having, I was vibin’.
SLIM That guy’s amazing.
DANNY That guy was amazing. Those are my, my first note was I was just triggered by the Sergio Leone comment.
SOPH I was triggered by their relationship in general. [Danny laughs] It seemed a little too close for comfort for me, like why is she jumping into his arms that way? [Sophie laughs]
SLIM How about the introduction of the potential new mom? Like right off the bat.
DANNY The slo-mo.
SOPH I loved it. [Danny & Sophie laugh]
SLIM I mean, his scheme about how this is going to be this is the new woman in my life. She’s going to be a mother. Maybe a little too fast.
DANNY Yeah, he came on way strong.
SLIM Maybe read a book on how to introduce your new love to your daughter. Please.
SOPH Yeah, I mean, what I like about the movie though, is that it’s all kind of like it’s obviously like a little girl’s dream or nightmare at times. So that felt to me like a very like dream state like something like you would actually dream if your dad just introduced you to like a new girlfriend that he’s dating. It’s like ‘oh, this is instantly going to be my new mom’ kind of thing. I liked it.
PROTO Yeah, to me this felt like it was playing into the melodrama and like that’s what I saw it as like it was just like the more melodramatic you can be in this the more fun it is. I kind of like that. I felt that way about Flash Gordon as well, like the way that was so over the top I kind of had the same vibe with this. Where it’s like, this, it knows what it’s doing being over the top and it’s fun.
SOPH Oh, yeah.
SLIM Art probably hearing that comment, he’s rolling over in his grave. [Danny laughs] Comparing this movie to Flash Gordon, two and a half stars from Art.
PROTO Rolling over in his Lazy Boy.
SLIM This movie has so many genres mixed in in such a weird way. There’s music playing almost constantly. There’s like these George Lucas circle wipes.
DANNY Transitions? [Danny laughs] Yeah.
SLIM Transitions everywhere. The backgrounds. James — I tried to watch this during dinner, I ended up having to pause it I think during maybe the bathroom scene because I felt like something was about to show up on the screen. [Danny & Sophie laugh] I couldn’t remember. But the girls I think came out of the the house and they saw that beautiful sunset set. And James was like ‘that looks so fake! What is this?’ I was like yeah, but it looks great, doesn’t it? He’s like, ‘yeah, I guess…’
DANNY It was a great matte painting.
SOPH Oh, I loved all the matte paintings.
DANNY Yeah, they’re killer.
SOPH It kind of reminded me of like the Wizard of Oz almost like those like really beautiful, like, sunset kind of paintings. And to me, it just made it kind of feel more like a dream like more unreal and kind of more out there. Which I loved.
SLIM Yeah, you had linked to, I think it was you or maybe Maggie had linked to an essay on the movie.
SOPH Mhm, it was Maggie.
SLIM That changed maybe perceptions of it. And your comment about a dream, like a potential dream for the girls. I’m a big dumb idiot. I didn’t even think of that at all during the movie, but that makes the entire movie feel so different that this is just kind of like a dream perception from when these girls. Did the essay get into that at all?
SOPH Well, yeah, apparently, Obayashi like he wrote it basically he asked his daughter like, what would you want to see in a movie? And then she kind of like described her dreams or nightmares that she would have and he kind of like based it on that. And I actually think he like gave her writing credit. So I think the whole movie is actually based on on dreams that his daughter has had or like, has like talked about being like, if I were to have a nightmare, this is what I would see. I would see myself like in the mirror and like my reflection would attack me, which is something that literally happens in the movie. So, yah.
SLIM Wow. Let’s see, Tony in chat says this movie came out the same year as Star Wars. [Slim laughs] Which is true.
SOPH Woah so that’s so weird!
SLIM The transitions happened in this movie as well. But what else is on your list, Sophe, for House that jumped out at you during this viewing?
SOPH Mr. Togo… uh… weirdo. Don’t understand his deal. Don’t really get why — well, I kind of get why he was a character in it. I feel like he was kind of like the hope for them in the end. Like maybe he’ll save them in the end, but I don’t know. He seemed really creepy and weird and way too old for them to be even thinking about dating but yeah, I had a note on Mr. Togo.
SLIM He looked like, he reminded me of a character that Mike Myers would play, almost, like every time he came on screen. I was like, this is like a alternate reality Mike Meyers for some reason. I don’t really know why. But all his scenes were also very strange. Like the Benny Hill esque comedy scenes that he was in, just to like, kill time. So weird.
SOPH Yeah. When he gets his butt stuck in the bucket. [Slim & Danny & Sophie laugh]
DANNY Right. It makes no sense.
SOPH So random! I was just gonna say I love that he just randomly turns into bananas at the end, because it’s just —
SLIM And he still has his hat on! [Danny laughs] That hat is resting on top of the bananas. On my list, let’s see, we did mention how there’s like 40 teen girls in this movie. But I liked how you know, the, they all had their own individual characters. And I thought their first scene of the girls at the school and the camera kind of panning through each one of those distinct personality. I thought that was so well done. Kung Fu, the character every time she goes through, you know, her personality and just like kicks something or destroys something. I love those scenes. They’re so insane how every time they need something like opened up, it just changes gears into almost like this jokey action scene. And it’s just so strange. [music from Kung Fu’s scenes in House plays]
SOPH Yeah, I do love how all the girls were kind of — at first, you’re like, oh my god, how am I gonna keep up with all of them and like know, because they all kind of like dress kind of similar. And you’re like, it’s all happening at once you’re like, how am I gonna keep up? But they’re all playing like, like tropes of, of different types of characters. Like Gorgeous is like, really pretty. And she’s the, like, you know, kind of the popular one that ever wanted to be. And then Mac is, I guess, someone who eats a lot and gets totally body shamed. [Danny & Sophie & Slim laugh]
SLIM Her friends are brutal to Mac!
SOPH I hate it. I hated all of that. But, yeah no, I kind of liked how they were all kind of playing these tropes, because it made it easier to like, kind of keep track of like, who was who.
PROTO Well those moments are so off the wall and the gear shifts so quickly in this. I think the first one that just really jumped out at me might be like, the first scene like this is when they get to the house. And then that piece of like the chandelier falls or something. Yeah, the whole scene just goes bananas for about 10 or 15 seconds. And you’re like, What just happened?! And that happens so often in this movie, where it just feels like it’s totally out of left field. But a lot of it gives me like anime vibes, you know, in anime, you’ll have like a super serious dramatic story. You know, where the dramas turned up to 11 but then they’ll have like, these moments that are so goofy and off the wall about one character. And even just like the movements like the whole bucket, the bucket scene just felt very, like out of anime. And it was fun. It was it was almost like a live action, just with how crazy it was.
SLIM How ‘bout them going through the memories. The movie, like the retro film.
SOPH Oh, I love the background
SLIM And them all commenting, like how they’re watching it. I thought that was amazing.
SOPHYeah. And it also those like vignettes kind of — you’re talking about like on the train, right? Or the bus that they’re on. They like talk about the the aunt’s story and how she like, had a husband who died in the war and she’s been waiting for him ever since to come back or whatever. And that kind of introduces, I think the theme of — I mean, Obayashi, like grew up in Hiroshima. So he was like, really affected by the bombings that happened there and apparently a lot of his like friends died from the bombs and it really affected him. So there was this kind of, I guess, like underlying theme of post-war Japan going on and I think that kind of showed with the with the aunt’s storyline and how the girls kind of represented like New Japan after the war. And the aunt was kind of like, like pre-war Japan like she lived through through the war. So I kind of liked how they introduced that with with those like vignettes on the bus, because I think there’s like this random like seeing where you just see the bomb go off and someone says like, ‘Oh, it looks like cotton candy’ or something. And that I guess that just shows like the the girls just being so kind of like, not knowing how horrible the bombings were and how it affected people.
SLIM Danny, what else you got?
DANNY Looking at my notes. When they, when when the house starts eating them and taking them over. It is some of the most insane but creative things I’ve ever seen, I feel like. And I don’t watch a lot of horror. I started like last year watching horror a lot. And this film was watched by a bunch of people last year. I’m like, I should watch it. But then I was like, it’s a Japanese horror movie. And I know those will destroy me. So I avoided this film. But now I feel silly because this film is not It’s not scary at all but
SLIM Right, it’s not like Ringu.
DANNY Right. But when when they they lose Mac for what feels like 48 hours and they don’t really care much. [Slim & Sophie laugh] And they finally decided to like look for her when her. When her head comes out of that well, and it is like smiling, I couldn’t stop laughing! Like it was, it was funny, but it was a decapitated head and I don’t know how it got me to laugh at it. And then it bites her on the ass. [Sophie laughs] And I was just dying! Like, this is so silly, but that head looks amazing! It was so awesome. Like I was just, I was laughing so hard.
SLIM Doesn’t she spit up like blood? Like ass blood after that too. [Danny & Sophie laugh] She like throws it up, what a shot, oh my God.
SOPH Ass blood.
DANNY I don’t know if it was ass blood, but… [Slim laughs]
SOPH Jesus Christ.
DANNY What a night. [Danny & Sophie laugh]
SLIM Let’s see, I had another thought about Mac, yeah, she’s been gone for — Oh, so they have this watermelon that they want to store for dinner. The refrigerator’s not working. So the aunt says “What about a natural refrigerator?” And she’s like, “Oh a well?” Does anyone else know that like wells are used as natural refrigerators? I had no clue! They just throw stuff down in the water and get it later? It’s weird.
DANNY You need to wake up.
PROTO Thank you for your bravery, Slim.
SOPH Culture yourself, Slim. [Danny & Sophie laugh]
SLIM This is my truth right now. I’m happy to bare my soul about an unknowing well information.
PROTO Did anybody hear about this?! [Danny & Slim laugh]
SLIM Have you guys heard about the natural fridges?!
SOPH You know about wells?
SLIM Proto, what else is on your list?
PROTO I don’t really have anything else on my list.
DANNY Oh my gosh!
PROTO Let me see, Let me think of scenes that I loved. I mean I love the scene near the end with the cat boat or the door boat.
SOPH Cat blood. Cat blood, door boat.
PROTO It was like, now I can’t remember.
DANNY Lemme ask you 10 questions.
PROTO Oh Fantasy, it was Fantasy on the door. Yeah with the room filling with the blood. What a crazy wild scene! Especially like the green screen stuff that’s done in this with the body parts, the piano. But yeah, that part with the blood was so wild. [Danny laughs] It’s so over the top what you’re seeing. But it it was like, it was a ton of fun. It’s just so, you know, absurd as you’re seeing it on the screen.
SLIM Yeah, the green screen is amazing — [Slim laughs] Eric is on point tonight with the photoshops. [Proto laughs] There’s one other scene that like made me nervous is when Kung Fu goes to chop wood and outside and she takes her shoes off to chop wood. There is no other unsettling feeling than like the idea of cutting barefoot. [Danny laughs] One false move, Kung Fu, those toes, your foot, gone! Not like a slipper is going to protect you at all but it just makes me feel better.
SOPH I feel like she wasn’t wearing pants either.
SLIM All of a sudden she was not wearing clothes for like the entire movie! [Sophie laughs]
SOPH Was that bathing suit? I don’t know.
SOPH Like I respect it, pants can be annoying sometimes. But… [Slim laughs]
SLIM Yeah, she lost her pants and then it just got —
DANNY She never found them. Just like Mac.
SLIM No, she never found them. She never found them. The other shot that I liked is when they realize the door is locked. And they’re kind of discussing it and they’re walking in a circle. And then slowly the rest of the girls join in on the walking circle. I just thought that was a creative shot.
SOPH Yeah, I love that. I feel like we should talk about the piano scene and the piano in general.
DANNY Yes, please.
SOPH But I think it’s the first time that Melody starts playing the piano, and she’s like, playing a couple notes. And I really thought she was like, about to play the My Chemical Romance song.
DANNY Thank you! I thought the same thing! [clip of piano song from House plays] And then I was about to, I meant to Google like, did Gerard Wade watch this film? Because he’s such a nerd. I wonder if it was influenced at all.
SOPH I mean, maybe it’s just like really simple, like notes. [Sophie & Danny laugh]
DANNY I really thought it was.
PROTO What song?
DANNY Black Parade!
PROTO Oh, Black Parade. Oh really!
DANNY I love the piano scene. Every scene where Melody is playing. It gave me like super Disney Haunted Mansion vibes. And the song was really cool too, like super creepy, but also kind of beautiful. And yeah, I dug it. I liked when she was like, it felt like the piano bit my fingers or something. When it first kind of attached to her.
SOPH Apparently that one in particular is like directly from Obayashi’s daughter, is that when she was taking piano lessons, her piano teacher whenever she did something wrong would like slap her hand.
SOPH She came up with that idea through that and she was always scared that the like, whatever that thing that covers the piano —
SOPH Would fall on her fingers. So apparently that’s kind of how that idea came about. But I love the piano scene. I love the like colors on the keys. Like the overhead shot of it. It’s just like these like wacky colors. I loved it.
DANNY They threw every technical advancement and cinematography at this film in 1977. There was animation, the green screens, the matte paintings, the like animation inside of live action with, it was just crazy! I couldn’t believe how much they were pulling off in this film.
PROTO Yeah, I love the disembodied fingers on the piano.
DANNY So cool.
PROTO And then the last, it like hits the deep note on the last one, was so great. [Danny laughs]
DANNY I like how she like, found it interesting that she lost her fingers. And then she was terrified when she lost her hand. [Danny & Sophie laugh] She’s like, ‘oh, this is cool. I got no fingers now.’ Then her hand gets cut off and it’s like, well —
SLIM She was too zooted to realize what was happening to her hand. [Danny laughs]
PROTO The shock.
SLIM I loved Kung Fu’s disembodied leg.
SOPH Yeah, yeah. I feel like that was my favorite death scene.
DANNY Kung Fu’s?
SOPH Yeah, the least, like the death scene I could have done with that was the mattress one. And I was like, I don’t know. I feel like that was kind of boring.
DANNY You know, I thought it was boring too. But I really appreciated the shot where it was like the floor was glass. Because it was weird if they didn’t do that shot. But seeing her getting crushed by the mattresses was pretty smart move. It at least made an interesting.
SOPH Yeah. And I think she turns into the doll.
DANNY Right, is that what it was? That’s what I was gonna ask.
SOPH Yeah, I think she gets into the doll.
SLIM Anything else from your list, Soph, that we haven’t covered yet, that you wanted to touch on?
SOPH I mean, just in general, I loved the aunt and how she was a hag. She’s a certified hag. [Slim & Danny laugh] If I do say so myself.
SLIM That’s merch idea.
SOPH That’s a merch idea right there. And I loved the like moments where she would like break the fourth wall and kind of like look right at the camera. It was super creepy. And yeah, she she was like definitely one of my favorite parts of the movie.
PROTO Yeah, the one scene where she has the eyeball.
DANNY Oh my gosh.
PROTO The third eye appears in her mouth. And Dantasy sees it. Poor Fantasy, all the things that she has to go through. But when she pulls that eyeball out, oh, and then disappears into the fridge. [Danny & Sophie laugh]
SLIM The other scene I was gonna mention was when the new you know, the potential new mom, her dad’s new lover, appears in town and you just hear that like, you know, you know, feathery music as she enters the town and she’s so wistful. And she’s like, kind of prancing through town doesn’t know what’s about to happen. I thought that was so funny. And then you see Togo’s banana body in the car. [Danny laughs]
SOPH For some reason that’s like super satisfying that he just turned into bananas. Like I wish all the men in my life who hurt me would turn into bananas. [Slim laughs]
DANNY So did Mac turn into the watermelon and they ate her?
SOPH Ohhhh… I guess…
DANNY I thought that was maybe…
SLIM Wasn’t she eating her body though, the aunt? Wasn’t she eating like Mac’s arm at one point for dinner?
PROTO Oh, yeah.
DANNY Oh, that’s what it was. Okay. I couldn’t, I couldn’t figure it out. It felt like they were eating her body as the watermelon.
PROTO I like that theory. I mean, I don’t think it’s off the table that she can eat her hand and be the watermelon at the same time.
DANNY Like I thought that was her eye in her mouth. Like she ate the watermelon, but it ended up…
SOPH She she fell into the well and then it turned into watermelon that was in the well.
DANNY I don’t know, there’s so much. I just thought it was Mac’s eye. [Danny laughs]
SLIM That makes sense to me.
SOPH I feel like there’s so much about this movie that like with every watch, you’ll kind of like find new things with it.
SLIM Yeah, you said in your second Letterboxd review that your rating might have changed on second viewing. So are you ready to reveal your final thoughts? And yeah, final rating for House?
SOPH Yeah, first viewing I gave it a four and a half. I feel like the first time you watch it, it’s just like such an overload of like, you’re just like, you know, there’s so much stuff going on that you can’t really keep up and it kind of just like hits you right in the face. But then once you watch it again, you can like really just like pay attention to like the smaller details. And I had so much more fun watching it the second time and I want to like watch this movie, like all the time. [Danny & Proto laugh] I want to figure out new things about it. And I love it so much. I had so much fun with it. So it’s a five banger for me!
DANNY Oh baby. Yes!
DANNY Starting off with a five banger.
SOPH Full five! Maybe I just wanted to say five banger. [Sophie & Danny & Slim laugh]
SLIM I think I’m the same rating as my initial viewing. I think this is a movie to be experienced for sure. If you watch movies, I was so stoked to see so many of the VHS Village watch this in advance of our episode. Like all of the feed and Letterboxd for my followers was House. How often does that happen? So that was pretty cool to see. So I’m at four stars for this. Absolutely watch it. Very enjoyable. Danny?
DANNY Yeah, I just dropped the art. And I didn’t, I forgot to talk about my favorite scene where I absolutely loved when Gorgeous sits in front of the mirror, and has that scene where it fractures and she like, I don’t know what she’s just going into the aunt’s body or being possessed by her and becomes the aunt. And I don’t know, but there were so many shots of Gorgeous that I mean, not because she was gorgeous, but when she gets the white dress on and she’s like yeah, attic or whatever. And she’s just badass. She looked cool in this film. And that fracture scene got me. I really like the effect the did with the mirror.
PROTO The blood bleeding into the margin on this is so sick. I just noticed that.
SOPH It’s so cool! I’m so glad you did that scene. I thought you were gonna do the cat to be honest.
DANNY I was, it felt too predictable.
SOPH Yeah, yeah.
DANNY I love the cat in this. But so yeah, like I said, I started off kind of rough with this but, man. It really kicks into high gear when they get to that house and I’m with you. I want to watch it again and kind of you know peel back more of this onion on this film because I feel like I didn’t, I was just in a weird spot watching it for the first time. But for me initial viewing this is easy four stars. Easy.
SLIM Easy four.
DANNY Yeah, I had a blast.
SOPH I was worried about you, Danny.
DANNY Yeah, I was worried too. [Danny laughs] But I had a lot of fun. I mean, this this felt like a ride. Like it’s one of those things, where I know it’s a set, but man I wish that house is real. I’d love to visit where that location was.
SLIM You mentioned the Haunted Mansion and how this movie was like a figurative ride. Can you imagine a House ride?
DANNY Oh my gosh, a theme park ride of this?! I will line up. It’d be a blast.
SOPH Yeah, that’d be wild.
PROTO Oh, yeah, ton of fun with this movie. So great. This is a four star movie for me.
DANNY Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SLIM Holy smokes.
PROTO It’s a great time!
SOPH I’m stoked about this! I really thought like Slim and I would like vibe with it and Danny and Proto would hate it for some reason. [Danny & Slim laugh] That was my prediction.
SLIM There was a ton of reviews on VGER, the supercomputer that loves movies that Proto has built from scratch. God there’s, this is probably some of the most reviews I think in one movie that I can see. I think the average rating is three and a half stars.
DANNY Not bad.
SLIM According to the calculations.
SOPH I was hurt by a review.
SLIM Who hurt you in the reviews?
SOPH There was a review that said, I forget what it said. I think it said “This movie, they were really trolling the village with this movie pick.” [Sophie laughs]
SLIM That was Caleb. I remember seeing that.
SOPH I was like, no, this is a legitimate pick of mine!
SLIM Caleb just got called out!
DANNY Sophs, do you have the Criterion box or is there any like making of’s of this film or behind the scenes?
SOPH Yeah, there is on the Criterion Channel. There’s like a Making Of House where they they interview Obayashi and his daughter actually.
DANNY Oh nice!
SOPH I think the screenwriter as well? I watched like half of it before this. It’s actually really interesting.
DANNY Oh, nice. Okay, cool. I’m definitely gonna do that.
SLIM I think we have a few VMs from — am I allowed to say some hags?
SOPH You can say hags as much as you want. We’re reclaiming the word. We’re making it good. Say it.
DANNY I like it.
SLIM Let’s see. Let’s see who we want to hear from first! And just reminder I am going to reveal my pick. Finally.
DANNY What? Right now?
SLIM My pick for next week. No, not yet. Next week, my pick will be revealed, I mean later in this episode I’m gonna reveal. And we also have to talk about the Final Four for the Leading Ladies Madness.
SOPH We got a whole night ahead of us.
DANNY Buckle up.
SLIM Burning the midnight oils. Alright, let’s see who do we want to hear from first? Ummmm, let’s hear from Lex.
VOICEMAIL What’s up 70mm? It’s Lex. Know I’ve been away for a while just wanted to pop back in to talk about House! This movie is nuts. I’ve never seen something that’s gone so wildly off the rails in the visual department, especially something pre CGI. There’s a lot of ridiculous blue screen. Some great matte paintings and stuff in the backgrounds of shots that you can say. It’s sort of in its own weird dreamlike world that I just found was endlessly fascinating. It’s a four star movie, for sure. And also, what other movie can you watch where a teenage girl gets eaten by a piano? Keep up the good work. Bye!
SLIM George Lucas, eat your heart out! [Sophie laughs]
DANNY Matt, can you tell me about the force? [Slim laughs]
SLIM I’m not your monkey! [Danny laughs] To reveal my George Lucas impressions at will. When the time is right, it will reveal itself. Next VM comes from friend of the show who has been, he’s been missing from the VM segment for quite some time.
VOICEMAIL Hello, this is Dirk, Dirk Feelgood calling in. Are you lot doing all right? First off, big shout out to everybody’s favorite show host… Sophie! Thank you! What an incredible film you picked! I loved it! And one of the things I really loved was how everybody had cool nicknames. Like things they were into or their skills. There were Mac, short for sto-mach because she liked eating, she kept getting incredibly fat-shamed. Poor girl, didn’t she? And then, Professor because you couldn’t see anything without her glasses on and then Kung Fu because she liked wearing underpants! Got me thinking, Proto, Danny, Slim, they’re really hard to remember names aren’t they? I know we’re always getting everybody mixed up. So why don’t I give you nicknames that are easier to remember! Proto, we all know you’re a poet, a philosopher, and a guru. But all of those names seem too narrow for you. Just began to imagine all the thoughts in your head, in your head, in your brain! So I came up with Noodle! Danny, you’re crayons and Slim, everyone knows you’re obsessed with one thing! So your name is Weener! I put that together everyone! Proto is Noodle, Danny is Crayons and Slim is Weener! Now that I say them all together and back to back, they are a bit phallic. But I promise that was a happy accident! Thank you very much, love ya, bye!
DANNY He called me crayons!
SLIM Dirk does it again. Dirk’s voice gets even more caricature-ish as the week’s go on.
SOPH Is Dirk like a voice actor?
DANNY He should be.
SLIM He should be.
PROTO Some day.
SOPH He should be. That was amazing.
SLIM We’ll see if these nicknames stick, Dirk.
DANNY I like it. I’m happy with Crayons.
PROTO Natural talent coming out of Dirk. [Slim & Danny laugh]
SLIM Thank you, Dirk. Next VM comes from Fam!
VOICEMAIL Hey what’s up 70mm, it’s Fam calling about the movie House. I enjoyed the movie when I started watching it right when the beginning where the stepmom comes out in slo mo and they’re in that really bad background balcony with seagulls for some reason. So I guess they had to be near a beach but I kind of felt like what this movie was going to be and I enjoyed the heck out of it. The cinematography on it is great. A ton of cuts. Yes, these might seem unnecessary at times and yes, they might see off the wall but it just it was really really cool. You kind of didn’t know what to expect when you were watching it. The story was a good story. There are a bunch of weird parts, man. They just left Mac. They didn’t want to look for Mac. She was just gone in the first 10 minutes, and no one wanted to look for her. It was so rough. Just a lot of like weird wacky stuff. But what they could do in the 70s practical wise, they did all they could do they try to make a horror, they tried a horror movie they tried to make, you know, decapitating flying arms. Kung Fu sacrificing herself while not sacrificing, getting candlelight and then just the bottom half makes it to kick. The cat poster was amazing. Just the spitting of blood everywhere was amazing. So I enjoyed it. And also, you know, the bad guy kind of one kind of deal. And that doesn’t really happen a ton of movies. And I think this one it was kind of really cool. So enjoyed the heck out of it. Thanks, guys. Bye.
SLIM Fam. Thank you fam. Love the House journey everyone’s going on.
SOPH It’s making me so happy. I was like really concerned that everyone would be turned off by this pick.
SLIM No. Let’s see, we have a letter in from a dear friend of the show, Marcie. “Hello, 70mm and Sophie. First, just wanted to say despite the stress from the Leading Ladies Bracket, this has been an enjoyable month so far. Also wanted to write in a question for sophs. Sophie, thank you so much for picking a really bizarre, weird and fun movie this week. I had a blast watching it. These types of movies are some of my favorites. I was wondering if you had any other recommendations for fun bizarre movies? Thank you for all the awesome work with the episode transcripts, you really capture the essence of Slim Danny and Proto perfectly. Thank you all and have a blessed weekend. Marcie.” [Slim laughs]
SOPH Oh my God, my heart. That was the nicest thing ever. Marcie, I love you so much. Um, fun bizarre movies… I watched a Eraserhead recently and that was pretty bizarre and weird. And I had a lot of fun with it. Not in the same way as House and it’ll probably make you way more uncomfortable than House but is so weird and twisted and great. And, and a good way to get into Lynch, I guess. That’s what I’m trying to do with it.
SLIM You watched Blue Velvet for Dune Pod recently.
SOPH Yeah, I’ve never been like a Lynch person. Like I’ve never watched Twin Peaks or anything. I’ve watched Lynch’s Dune. And then I watched Eraserhead, and yeah, I watched Blue Velvet for Dune. So I’m still not sold on him completely.
DANNY You haven’t done Mulholland Drive yet?
SOPH Not yet. I think I might do Lost Highway next and then Mulholland Drive, but I think Proto said it once about Cronenberg, where you don’t love him, but you kind of want to like keep watching his movies. I feel that way about Lynch.
DANNY Hmmm interesting.
SOPH But yeah, Marcy watch Eraserhead and let me know what you think.
SLIM Boom. “When’s the dating advice portion of the show?”
DANNY Mel says “Soph, you better not pick Lynch for film hags” [Sophie laughs]
SOPH Oh! Did she actually?
SLIM You have to be careful mentioning that you haven’t seen Twin Peaks around Lynch fans. Because man, they’ll go buck wild on you.
DANNY That’s not true. I’m not going buck wild her right now.
SLIM They’ll go buck wild!
DANNY It’s not happening. She’s on a journey.
SOPH Wait, are you Lynch fan, Danny?
DANNY I’m only a Twin Peaks fan.
SOPH That’s weird.
DANNY I don’t enjoy his movies.
SOPH Okay. Interesting.
DANNY Twin Peaks stuck though.
SLIM What did you just say?!
DANNY It stuck. Slim.
SLIM I thought we just went X Rated with it. [Slim & Danny laugh] Let’s see, we have two VMs to get to here and let’s see, close out our show, or not, we still have a lot of show to get to.
VOICEMAIL Hey, it’s Boom. Obviously had to call in because my fav leading lady is on the show tonight with my three favorite white guys. So this is a big deal. Sophie, I love you. You’re literally one of my favorite people to talk about movies with. I don’t know why you don’t have your own movie podcast, but whatever. I watched House, not gonna lie. I absolutely hated it. But I still rated it three and a half stars because I thought that the editing and effects were quite masterful, for lack of a better word. But anyways, I actually wanted to bring a question, a hot q, to the panel. I was watching The Martian the other day with Matt Damon and I just had this thought like this movie would be so much better if excuse me you were a woman and I was thinking about who I I would request and I landed on Sandra Oh, even though she’s a TV Queen, I think she absolutely slay in that role. So I wanted to ask you guys, Tilda Swinton as Lady Robocop aside, if you could recast a leading male as a leading woman, leading lady. Who what role would it be? From what movie? And who, which lady would you choose to recast? So that is the hot q. Love you all. Bye!
SLIM Boom. Currently on Cinenauts but also FILM HAGS. What a question.
DANNY That’s tough.
SLIM Real tough.
PROTO Well, for me knowing that if I if I pick someone, I’ll get to re-see the movie because they’ll remake it. I gotta go Matrix.
PROTO Recast Neo as a woman. I want a Matrix trilogy all over again. Which, oh gosh.
PROTO Yeah, it’s got to be Tilda. [Danny laughs]
SLIM What about recasting Top Gun? Not that I would ever want to.
DANNY Oh gosh. What are you doing?
PROTO Holy ground.
SLIM We are we are on holy ground. [Slim laughs]
SLIM So holy your voice can’t even hold out.
DANNY Who are you recasting, Matt?
SLIM Um, Tom! Who would you want to see in Tom’s place?
DANNY That’s your job.
SLIM Seantana linked Brie Larson but no.
DANNY No, thank you.
SLIM Who was that gal who is in the Terminator Dark Fate? Mackenzie? What’s her first name?
PROTO Oh, yeah. I could see that.
SLIM Anyone in chat remember her name? Mackenzie Davis? She was amazing. The first 30 minutes of Terminator Dark Fate. We’re cookin’ with gas! Action star!
PROTO What about Ana de Armas?
SOPH Hmm. [Danny & Sophie laugh]
DANNY This is a tough question, Boom. You should have given this pre…
SLIM Lupita is being mentioned in chat right now.
SOPH I was just scrolling through my Letterboxd to get inspiration. And I came across Goodfellas and I feel like there needs to be like a good woman led badass mafia movie.
SLIM Oh my God!
SLIM Also Cop Land. Recast Sylvester Stallone with somebody, some gal.
SOPH Oh yeah, I guess there is Widows.
PROTO Scorsese, he’s got to have something playing with Margot Robbie. Right?
DANNY You think so?
PROTO He’s got another gangster flick in him.
SOPH Yeah, but there could be more than Margot, like Margot Robbie’s whatever.
PROTO Well, he’s just familiar with her. He has a relationship.
SLIM What’s that romantic comedy we watched? Once? Once Upon? Time travel one?
DANNY I don’t know what you’re talking about.
SLIM It’s like your favorite movie with Rachel McAdams.
DANNY About Time, Matt. [Sophie laughs]
SLIM About Time. “Margot is overrated” Marcie says in chat.
SOPH Objectively overrated.
DANNY What’s the scale? What are we rating her on? What movie was good that she was in?
SOPH Yeah. That’s what I mean, she’s not great in any movie.
PROTO The ice skating movie.
SOPH Oh, yeah, she was good. And I Tonya. In I Tonya, she was pretty good.
DANNY There you go. See? Debunked.
SLIM Great, great VM from Boom. We have, let’s see. I think one final one.
VOICEMAIL Hi, buds. It’s Mel. You be nice to Soph or else. Also, I just wanted to say about House that aunty has big hag energy. Okay, bye. Love youuuu! Love you Soph! Good job. Bye.
SOPH Love you Mel.
SLIM When Mel leaves these voicemails I picture her just like sprawled out on a couch. You know, she’s like twirling something on her finger and she’s got the phone like right next to her face.
SOPH Just petting Chuck’s head. [Slim & Sophie laugh]
DANNY She’s just holding the phone with her shoulder.
SLIM Boy, we have to talk about our Leading Ladies bracket.
DANNY Let’s do it.
SLIM We’re about to reveal the Final Four, I think, Proto, are you ready to reveal this Final Four? Make it live on VGER? Send the link that people can vote for. And just a reminder, we’ll have four leading ladies. And then the final vote here. You’ll get to the final two and then whoever wins that, we will choose a movie from their filmography to do for the final week of the month.
PROTO They’re live on VGER. Danny. Danny.
DANNY You did it? Oh no.
SOPH Where the fuck is Lupita?!
PROTO Give us the numbers, Danny.
DANNY He just dropped the link.
SOPH I’m sorry. What?! Lupita did not make it?!
DANNY Lupita did not make it.
SLIM He put this, let me just be clear. I feel sick. I feel sick about it.
DANNY Cate Blanchett beat Lupita 54% to 45%.
SLIM Was the least Ladies bracket put together by the Golden Globes Association this year? [Sophie laughs]
SOPH It’s the HFPA!
SLIM So t’s Cate Blanchett against Sigourney Weaver and the other side of the bracket, Greta Gerwig against The Wachowskis. That is how it shook out in the end. A lot of broken hearts right now.
SOPH Wow. I am shocked.
SLIM A lot of shocked faces in Discord right now.
DANNY It’s a big deal.
SLIM So that’s where it’s at.
DANNY It’s not our fault though.
SLIM I think a lot of the people that voted have to look inward. I think if there’s a mirror in your room, I think you should turn to it.
DANNY And if it shatters, and you become your aunt…
SLIM And ask yourself What happened?
SOPH Lupita. We could have watched Us together. Just saying.
SLIM Would have loved to talk Us.
DANNY We could’ve watched Star Wars.
SLIM I would’ve looooved to talk Us on this podcast.
SOPH Yeah, just saying, what could have been.
PROTO What could have been!
SOPH You know where you can hear us? We’ll talk about it on FILM HAGS! [Sophie laughs]
DANNY Ohhh there is is!
SOPH Yeah, I think it’s gonna go Sigourney v Wichowskis and the Wichowski Sisters are gonna win. And we’re gonna watch The Matrix. That is my prediction.
DANNY That is definitely not what I want to do. So. [Sophie laughs] If we could not do that, that’d be great.
SLIM You don’t want to do The Matrix? Is that what you’re saying?
DANNY We’ve already done a Wichowskis.
SLIM We have done a Wichowskis.
DANNY It’s time for Sigourney to rise up.
SOPH Or Greta!
SLIM Lupita, look at the percentages of Lupita. This is the most shocking thing about this whole thing. Lupita versus Cate Blanchett. Cate Blanchett got 55% of the vote.
SOPH That’s insane. That’s insane.
SLIM If we’re not all doing some soul searching this week.
SOPH I haven’t thought about Cate Blanchett since ever.
DANNY Lord of the Rings.
SLIM Name a movie you’ve seen Cate Blanchett and that didn’t have dwarves.
DANNY Cinderella, but okay. [Danny & Slim laugh]
SLIM Oh my gosh. Alright, we have to we have to put this in the past. We have to really just put in the past.
DANNY Let’s focus on Slim right now for the remaining at the time.
SLIM Tom Cruise is about to return his VGER rewards, I think to the Academy. Next week is my movie. I’ve been sitting on this for a little bit. You know, I’ve been watching the picks roll in. We’re getting some really deep pics. A Woman Under the Influence, that’s a deep cut, you know? Orlando. Enough said. And House, you know very out there pick, that a lot of people hadn’t seen before. So I had a lot of choices. If I could be honest with you on this call. And to the VHS Village. I got a DM from Art, friend of the show. He was trying to nudge me in a direction.
SLIM He suggested an amazing choice.
DANNY The all female Ghostbusters.
SOPH Don’t you dare.
SLIM He suggested the Babadook. And I was like ohhhh, shit.
DANNY Are we watching…
SOPH Two horrors?
SLIM We’re not watching the Bababook. I will be rewatching the Babadook this week in advance of my episode because I love that movie.
SLIM But, my pick, you know I have to, it’s time to go big.
DANNY Go big.
SLIM It’s time to go big. For me. I have the VHS right next to me right here.
DANNY Pull it up. [Sophie gasps]
SLIM What I’m gonna be picking. We are going to be watching Robert Zemeckis directed, Jodie Foster starring. Contact.
SOPH I knew it!
SOPH Love it.
DANNY My god.
SLIM You can hear the tape shaking around.
DANNY We’re back baby!
SLIM It’s time to get us back on track.
SOPH Jodie Foster. Big blockbuster. Was this a blockbuster film?
SLIM Blockbuster in my heart.
SOPH Okay. [Danny laughs]
SLIM This isn’t a blockbuster leading ladies month. Okay? Just Leading Ladies Month.
DANNY Ohhhh, I’m so excited, Slim.
SLIM This is available, I think on Tubi, one of those free services. So it’s available to watch if you don’t want to pay for it or rent it. But by all means, rent it. buy it. It’s time.
DANNY Big deal. Matthew McConaughey.
SOPH Going to space.
SLIM Matthew McConaughey as a priest. Former priest.
SOPH Wait, Matthew McConaughey is in Contact?
DANNY He’s dreamy.
SLIM Sophie. Please. [Sophie & Slim laugh]
SOPH Sorry. I truly don’t know that much about this movie at all.
SLIM Never been more insulted on a podcast in my entire life. [Danny laughs]
SOPH I’m honored I could do that.
SLIM Yes, Matthew McConaughey is in it. Jodie Foster, scumbag James Woods.
DANNY Scumbag Woods.
SLIM Robert Zemeckis, he did a few other movies.
DANNY Name a more punchable face in Hollywood than James Woods.
PROTO Matthew McConaughey, but we got 20 years younger. Do you believe?
SOPH How young is he in this?
SLIM 55. [Danny laughs] In his prime. So we got a lot done this week, we talked about FILM HAGS, very excited about for you guys to kick things off. The trailer is out now. You can subscribe to it now in the show notes. We announced TAPEDECK, our new group of podcasts that we’re all putting together and having fun with. We announced the saddest day in the history of VHS Village voting. The Final Four of Leading Ladies Month. And what else Proto? What else do we have on tap to talk about? Close out the show.
PROTO Time to close out the show? There once was a video store owner who had three sons. And when his sons were old enough to go out on their own, the father gave them each videotapes to the first son, he gave three blank tapes. And he said, “go and remember all things.” And the son said, “I will record the road trips and the baseball games and the Christmas mornings.” To the second son, he gave two videotapes and he said, “go and record the memorable moments of your life.” And the son said, “I will only record the highlights of my life, my wedding and my children’s births.” To the last son, the father said “to you, I give only one tape to record the essence of your life.” The third son said nothing but turned and left his father and lived every day as if it was for his only tape.
DANNY My gosh!
SOPH Wow! That was beautiful.
SLIM FILM HAGS gonna have to step up their game. [Danny & Slim laugh]
SOPH I don’t know what to say.
DANNY My gosh.
SOPH I’m tearin’ up.
SLIM Soph, thank you so much for coming on to the show. It was a delight.
SOPH Yeah, it was so much fun. Thank you so much for for inviting me on and again, everything you’ve done for FILM HAGS and supporting us has been amazing.
SLIM Absolute pleasure.
SOPH Love you guys so much.
SLIM Love you too. Good luck. Godspeed. We’ll see everybody next week.
[70mm theme song ramps up, plays alone, fades out]
SLIM 70mm is a TAPEDECK production featuring original artwork provided by Danny Haas. Spiritual guidance and VGER, the robot who loves movies created by Protolexus. Producer emeritus Dale_a. Prints and other merch are available on 70mmpod.com. This episode was mixed, edited and produced by me, Slim. You can support our Patreon for access to the VHS Village Discord to talk movies with new friends, access to exclusive episodes, discounts on merch, and a physical membership card mailed to you. To check out other TAPEDECK podcasts, find the link in the episode notes. And if you’d like to support our friends at Letterboxd and upgrade to Pro or Patron status, you can do so with a 20% off discount using the links at 70mmpod.com. Goodbye!