Transcript of 70mm’s Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) Episode.
SLIM Heeey, it’s your old pal Slim and this is 70mm, a podcast for film lovers. Every Monday I’m joined by famous artist, Danny Haas.
DANNY This movie was garbage. Get The Rock out of here, please. I’m over The Rock in these movies.
SLIM And spiritual adviser, Protolexus.
PROTO How about the sexual tension between Elizabeth and Jack? Some of those conversations — that conversation they had, it’s like R-rated, maybe X-rated, inappropriate I found.
SLIM And together as friends forever, we discuss recently watched movies. Later in this episode, we’re continuing our theme of 21st century summer blockbusters with Danny’s pick, for Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest. Is Gore Verbinski this summer movie king? Stay tuned.
[70mm theme ramps up, plays alone, fades out]
SLIM Can we talk about this universal monster movie art that Danny’s doing on Instagram real quick, please?
DANNY Whaaat? Oh my.
SLIM Emergency discussion on this. [Danny laughs]
DANNY Just emergency. I’ve been wanting to do it for a while. Some movie monster art, so time’s now.
SLIM You’re going to get that 4K box set they announced of the monster movies?
DANNY Hell yeah. I mean what anniversary is that? 80th? 90th? For Dracula?
SLIM [in Dracula voice] Dracula.
PROTO Did you do some last October? Am I imagining that?
DANNY You’re imagining I think.
PROTO Okay. You must have just talked about it.
SLIM Danny went on a run watching those movies.
DANNY Glorious. Hour long movies, you kidding me? [Slim laughs] The dream!
SLIM Could you imagine his castle in 4K? That shot of that big set behind him?
DANNY I’m dying to see that in 4K?
SLIM Holy moly.
DANNY Incredible set.
PROTO What kind of sets are we going to get from the Robert Eggers Nosferatu picture? You guys heard about this?
DANNY Tell us about it.
SLIM Tell me about it.
PROTO Eggers, our boy. He’s supposedly in working on a Nosferatu story.
SLIM I don’t know if I’ve seen an Eggers movie. If I can be frank.
DANNY I don’t know if I’ve ever heard his name before.
SLIM He did The Lighthouse, right?
PROTO And The VVitch.
SLIM Oh, The VVitch. Yes, I have seen that. I can’t remember what I thought about The VVitch. To be honest. I don’t think I was ready for Eggers back then. It’s an acquired taste.
DANNY Are you ready now?
PROTO Yeah, he is. He is. He’s torn apart a couple marriages that we know of. [Slim & Danny laugh]
SLIM Casey didn’t speak to Danny I think for two days after you guys got out of The Lighthouse.
DANNY Mhmm. Dark time.
SLIM We have a big show. Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest is our feature prezo this week. We’re gonna get into it, this is Danny’s pick for Summer Blockbusters 21st Century. We went back to the well, just like we did last year, we had a lot of big hits. And we figured that was the time to go back. But we have some new friends this week. That said hello to our Patreon, Paul, Sam, Eli, Joshua and Jack, our new friends as they help us get even closer to the road to Harry Potter. 200 patrons, we will officially go through the Harry Potter cinematic journey. And we’re ever so close, that’s 70mmpod.com, you can sign up, four bucks a month. Get early access to episodes, uncut ep, exclusive eps. Danny, dow do you feel? We’re getting closer to Harry Potter.
DANNY Oh my gosh. I just hope it doesn’t land around the time when we’re doing Lord of the Rings too, because I won’t survive that. [Slim laughs]
SLIM Oh God! Could you imagine we start doing Lord of the Rings December — during
DANNY Just stroking out.
SLIM And then we alternate with Harry Potter movies! I’m not even sure if I had that kind of time. Danny, what did you watch this week?
DANNY I watched a movie that my heart was for years now dying to see. And I was crushed at this movie. I watched Jungle Cruise. [Proto laughs]
PROTO Let’s have it.
DANNY You know, growing up in Orlando, Disney Jungle Cruise ride is top tier for me. I love this ride. So looking forward to this movie for a while. And this movie was garbage. Two and a half stars, maybe. Get The Rock out of here, please. I’m over The Rock in these movies. I think Emily Blunt was incredible. That’s about it. I got so giddy in the beginning, when they start, you know, bits of the ride start seeping into the show, in the movie. Little jokes that The Skipper tells. And I’m just like smiling. And then 15 hours later, the movie ends. [Slim laughs] And I was so frustrated, didn’t enjoy it. I did not enjoy the story. And I found it, just kind of coming into Pirates week for us. It was very clear that it was just trying to mimic the success of the Pirate films instead of trying to stand on its own feet. I’m bummed. I hope they don’t make a second one.
SLIM There’s no way they make a second one. Get out of here. Unless they have some kind of blood contract with seven bucks.
PROTO What’s the main issue with this movie? Is it the story or is it The Rock?
DANNY Stories a little bit boring. It’s so long. I just, The Rock —
SLIM Special effects were kind of junk too.
DANNY The special effects were just cheap. They weren’t terrible. They were just kind of cheesy. But I think The Rock kind of let me down. Not let me down, but it just — I’m an idiot for thinking that I was gonna get anything else besides The Rock in this film. You know?
SLIM I thought — I like The Rock, seems like a good human being.
DANNY Well, I’m not talking about his character, as a person.
SLIM I’m just prefacing that. I don’t want to get attacked. I don’t want to get griefed online. Rock seems like a great man. What’s up with his voice in this movie? He needed some green tea. He had like most hoarse voice. [Danny laughs] It was like okay, maybe he had a bad day on set. The whole movie is like that!
DANNY Yeah, it just isn’t — it just wasn’t as fun as I wanted it to be. I would had my hopes way too high for it, I think. Just a little bit frustrated.
SLIM Art says ‘COVID, Slim, please.’ [Slim & Danny laugh] It’s true. He did get COVID if I recall correctly. Listen. I want The Rock to be in amazing movies. I feel like he’s wasting his artistic time in the movies that he’s put out in the last decade. I want Rock to have his Commando. I want him to have his T2.
DANNY Oh my gosh.
SLIM I want to have, you know, these like awesome movies that I want to rewatch in 20 years and he hasn’t done it yet.
DANNY Get him out of these gimmicky movies. Okay?
PROTO He’s getting these committee films.
SLIM Seven bucks business. You know, you’re making deals. You’re making money. But I don’t give a hoot about these movies, my friend.
PROTO Drinking tequila.
SLIM You’re making tequila mana.
DANNY I want The Rock’s First Blood.
SLIM Where’s Jim Cameron at? Where’s your Jim Cameron? He doesn’t need — I’m getting I’m tired of it, he’s like —
DANNY Where’s Brian De Palma?
PROTO Where are the real action directors anymore? [Slim laughs]
DANNY Can you please stand up?
SLIM Can we get Kathryn Bigelow to direct the next Rock movie? Can they work together? The amount of creativity that those two can put together.
DANNY The Hurt Rocker. [Slim & Danny laugh]
SLIM That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said on this show. Oh my god. Anywho, I’ll have more to say about Jungle Cruise during our Pirates 2 segment. Believe you me. Did you watch anything else? Danny?
DANNY I watched the first Pirates. Perfect five star movie, had a great time watching that.
DANNY Had to cleanse my palate from this Jungle Cruise nonsense. And get ready for the movie we’re about to talk about.
SLIM Walking Tall I think is a great Rock movie.
DANNY Walking Tall is amazing. Is that the one with the other white guy? [Danny laughs] What’s his name?
SLIM Oh, Stiffler? [Slim laughs]
DANNY Stiffler, yes!
SLIM Sean William Scott. There’s one movie where he comes back from I think the war or something in his town is overrun by drug dealers. And he has that big two by four. That’s a great movie.
PROTO That’s not Walking Tall?
SLIM Isn’t that, yeah.
PROTO There are two movies that —
DANNY The Rundown?
PROTO Oh, The Rundown!
SLIM The Rundown I think has Christopher Walken in it.
DANNY Which one has Christopher Walken — [Danny laughs] Yeah!
PROTO I’ve seen one of those. I’m not sure which.
DANNY We need to redeem The Rock and go back.
SLIM Yeah, he had some some weird movies in his library. He was really trying to make it work. So credit to him. He’s found his niche. It’s just not for me. Proto, did you watch any movies this week?
PROTO I did watch some movies. I watched one movie that I can’t remember how it came up. I think it was maybe on like a Criterion list. Or some directors top 10 but it’s the movie called The Conformist from 1970 Directed by Bernardo Bertoccoli — Bertolucci. And yeah, I saw this and I was actually — I think it was like, someone said it was like top 10 most beautiful movies ever made, something like that. Don’t quote me on that. It was some kind of ridiculous list and this movie was on it and I never heard of it before. So I checked it out. And I had a really great time with this. In my review, I said it gave me a little Wes Anderson vibes. I know that doesn’t really make sense because Wes Anderson started making movies 25 years after this. But you know, that’s really all I could compare it to. And I didn’t really know how to rate this. So I didn’t give it, I didn’t give it a star rating because I wasn’t really sure. And I didn’t want to, I don’t know, I don’t want to influence anybody to either watch it or not watch it. But yeah, some great performances and just really beautiful. So I had a great time watching it.
PROTO It was a fun movie.
SLIM It looks like Jon Hamm.
DANNY It does look like Jon Hamm.
PROTO It really does.
SLIM It looks like Jon Hamm. And then that cop from the Philadelphia Cold Case TV show.
SLIM Remember that show? What was that actress that was the lead there?
DANNY Philadelphia Cold Case show…?
SLIM Someone’s nodding, listening to the show right now, being like, yes.
PROTO Are you taking about the show Cold Case? I know there was a show.
SLIM Who was the lead in that show? Nobody in chat remember that show? Was one of the most popular television shows ever. Cold Case.
PROTO Jon Hamm. [Slim laughs]
DANNY Rizzoli & Isles. Kathryn Morris.
SLIM Sheesh. Didn’t you watch another movie that rated five stars?
DANNY You got a five banger to present to us?
SLIM I saw a Proto five banger dropped in that activity page this week.
PROTO I did. I was shook this week because we’re going through our journey of the Choose Your Own Noirney. And this month, it’s Stanley Kubrick’s The Killing and also Robert Altman’s The Long Goodbye. So I watched The Long Goodbye this week. And I… this movie is something special. I’m forever changed after seeing this movie. And I’ve been thinking about it nonstop. You know, the only Robert Altman movie I had seen before this year was Gosford Park. And I really did not like this movie, that movie, that was like 10 years ago. I was like, this makes no sense. Nothing happens. So I kind of like wrote off Robert Altman for a while. But then I watched his — BAT & SPIDER did one of his movies. What was that, they just did a couple of weeks ago?
PROTO Images. Yeah. And I really liked that. And then this you know, The Long Goodbye, you know, put it on, and bam! This movie, it stars Elliott Gould as Philip Marlowe, who is a private investigator. He gets involved in a, a murder case with the law. And then also he is in his professional work as a private investigator, he is looking for a missing person. And everything about this movie is just dynamite. There’s some like, there’s like three or four amazing performances in this. The way Robert Altman shoots a movie, I just, I just love it to pieces, just his style. And then the, in this there’s an original song written by John Williams. And pretty much the soundtrack is like 10 different versions of the song and you hear it on the radio, somebody is playing it at the piano, somebody else’s might be humming or singing it. And it’s just like interwoven into the movie. And I think the movie is just a masterpiece.
PROTO And that’s why it is now, it’s going to be in my top four.
SLIM Excuse me?!
DANNY Ohhhh my gosh.
PROTO It’s now, it’s my favorite movie that I’ve watched this year. So that’s what I save my top four spot for, the fourth movie is that my favorite movie I watched this year.
SLIM Breaking news.
PROTO So Monos is out. The Long Goodbye is in.
SLIM Monos, beat it! You’re out. Hit the bricks.
PROTO Do you guys plan on watching this?
DANNY Yes. 100%. But I was also going to watch The Killing. Because I haven’t seen that in ages.
PROTO That’s the movie I was most excited for to watch. I think of all these but for whatever reason, I just, I was like, let me just start with The Long goodbye instead. And I’m thankful I did.
DANNY Marcie said I can watch both and I plan on doing it.
SLIM I did enjoy Images. I also really loved Three Women that he did.
PROTO Oh yeah, remember that.
SLIM So McCabe & Mrs. Miller, Art in chat, that’s been one of his, he’s been begging for someone else to watch that movie. That’s also Mr. Altman. So we’ll see.
PROTO I’ve been trying to hold off on watching that. Because I feel like I’d want to do that for the show. But who knows?
SLIM Stay tuned. We mentioned Proto’s new fourth favorite movie on Letterboxd, and every week we giveaway a free year of Letterboxd Pro. Get access to some choice stats and ends of year stats and find out where movies are streaming. And in general, you can support Letterboxd. So this week, free year of Letterboxd Pro, kingdime on Twitter.
DANNY The King.
SLIM The King, you did it again. Free year of Letterboxd Pro. And if you want to support Letterboxd at anytime, you didn’t win this week, you want to get Pro or Patron status, you can do so at a discount on our website 70mmpod.com. 20% off, there’s a link right on there so by all means, please do support Letterboxd. Let’s see, what did I watch this week? I forgot to pull up my Letterboxd here. We saw a family movie night, we went to see Old, the new M. Night movie.
DANNY Your whole family went to see Old?
SLIM Whole family. We went out.
DANNY What did James think?
SLIM He thought was horrible.
DANNY You didn’t tell me you saw Old!
SLIM I posted a review.
DANNY No you didn’t.
SLIM Did you unfollow me on Letterboxd?
DANNY I unfollowed you a while ago. [Slim laughs]
PROTO He posted that naked dog.
SLIM Oh yeah, that’s right. Nikki says Old is horrible. Nikki, I think you gave it two and a half stars. is two and a half stars horrible?
PROTO Come on, we all knew the movie was gonna be horrible. [Slim laughs] You watch the trailer, come on!
SLIM Full disclosure, the script is very bad. The acting, the actors in the movie I thought were pretty questionable. But Amanda and I had fun watching it.
DANNY There you go.
SLIM So M. Night in my opinion is back at a three star movie. [Danny laughs]
DANNY He’s back baby!
SLIM So M. Night. I started — I’m doing something I’ve never done before. I’m gonna announce my movie for next week. Right now.
DANNY Excuse me?
SLIM M. Night. he awoke something in me in that theater.
PROTO Ohhhh my god.
DANNY Excuse me?!
SLIM So my movie for next week, Summer Blockbuster, 2002, M. Night, Joaquin Phoenix, Signs.
DANNY Ohhh my god.
SLIM We’re doing it next week.
PROTO I just got chills.
SLIM I’m excited.
DANNY Holy cow.
SLIM I needed to go back. I got out of the theatre — I was like M. Night. We got to go back! You know like Jack in LOST with that beard in that gif.
PROTO Mel Gibson.
SLIM Mel Gibson is in it.
PROTO We’re tying it all together, Mad Max this month. [Slim laughs]
DANNY Bring it back around.
SLIM So that is, full disclaimer, that’s not on Netflix or whatever that’s going to be a rental but hopefully everyone owns that already. Otherwise four bucks — [Slim laughs] God! The Marcie photoshop. Ohh my god. We’re not — tell you what, if you’re sitting at home listening to this and you’re like ‘ugh, Mel Gibson.’ We’re not going to let Mel ruin this for us. He’s not taking our memories of Signs from us from 2002. Okay? We’re better than that. We got to get into our movie, I think. Pirates 2. Just a reminder for those listening in chat right now. The draft is happening after this episode, we’re going to be drafting for the VHS Village Olympics. The the actual Olympics will take place next week as of this recording in Discord. So if you’re not a patron, you know, we’re not forcing you to become a patron for this event. You can actually donate to our fundraiser that we’re doing during this event to the Human Rights Campaign. We’ll have a link on 70mmpod.com to show your support to the LGBTQ community. And we just started that a couple days ago. You know, donate money, we’re gonna have funsies, the real winner will be the Human Rights Campaign. We’re already at 610 bucks raised.
SLIM 680, I just hit refresh. 680 bucks.
DANNY Holy cow.
SLIM So I’m very excited. We’re gonna have fun in Discord. We’re gonna be playing the Cinephile card game. And after the show, we’ll be drafting the Discord members that we’ll be playing against tonight. So Pirates 2, Proto. Can you take us through the second movie in this quadrilogy, I think? Hexology.
PROTO How many are there? [Slim laughs]
SLIM Nobody knows.
DANNY Five. But we’ll just stick with the Gore trilogy.
SLIM This is Danny’s pick for Summer Blockbuster Part Two. Please, Proto.
[Pirate of the Caribbean theme song fades in]
PROTO [Proto in pirate voice] Heave ho ye dogs and scallywags! Set the runner and make ready the massed gauntlet. Let’s spray this star board gasket and scrub ye poop deck. There are pirates about! Our lovers Will and Elizabeth are set to hang by order of Her Majesty’s vassal Lord Beckett, but Will can save Elizabeth if he can retrieve the magical compass which points towards whatever the holder wants the most. Jack Sparrow who possesses this compass flirts with death to retrieve a piece of cloth with a drawing of a key on it, seeking to find Davy Jones chest while also avoiding Davy Jones, the devil of the sea, who, along with his kraken, drags ships to the depths and enslaved sailors to his will. All parties of this party seek to parlay the treasure of the chest, and it’s a mad scramble dash to see who can secure it and its contents while surviving the threats of the sea of Davy Jones and the guile of Jack Sparrow, the greatest captain who ever lived. Dead Man’s Chest.
[Pirate of the Caribbean theme song fades in ramps up, plays alone, fades out]
SLIM Golly. Can we get that on a shirt? Proto’s little intro there?
DANNY Yeah, definitely.
SLIM On some kind of blouse.
DANNY Yeah, for sure. [Slim laughs]
SLIM We gotta check our Printful library. See if they sell that like Seinfeld’s shirt that he wore. [Slim laughs] What an intro, Proto. Danny, this I feel like this franchise is near and dear to your heart.
DANNY It is! Thank you.
SLIM What’s your history with the ride? Do you remember how young you were when you were on the ride?
DANNY Oh gosh, I’m young enough to always be scared of the drop. The little drop that’s in it every time. But yeah, I remember the ride as a kid. I’ve done it a billion times with my kids. Disneyland’s, I mean, I love this ride so much. It’s so much fun. I think a lot of it is actually in, a lot of the ride bits are in the second film a little bit more than the first film, which I thought was pretty interesting.
SLIM The dog.
DANNY Well yeah, the dog —
SLIM They ask where that dog is with a key.
DANNY Yeah, and then when they get to town they’re lifting the guy out of the the well. And yeah, I just love this, I love this franchise, love the ride. So yeah, I was ready to pick one of these movies finally for the show. Felt right.
SLIM Gabb in chat says ‘I can smell the ride.’ Very distinctive smell in those water rides.
DANNY You can get a candle of that smell too.
SLIM Is that real? Is that at like the gift shop?
DANNY No it’s not sanctioned by Disney. [Danny laughs]
SLIM Cut that part out, Disney please. [Slim laughs] Proto, do you have any history with the ride? Or did it start with the movies?
PROTO I’ve never been to wherever this ride is. So… no.
DANNY Oh gosh.
PROTO Yeah, I don’t think until after I saw the first movie that I even heard that there was a ride. I had no idea.
DANNY My goodness.
SLIM What’s the backstory with you not being to Disney? Is it not like at the top of your list to have like a family trip together?
PROTO Um, well, I’d like to go someday with my kids. They’re just too young right now. I think. I’d want to them to be a little bit older or at least my youngest to be a little bit older for the trip to matter. You know, because I will have to be taken out a second mortgage to go. [Danny laughs] So I want it to count, you know, really make the most out of it. And yeah, my family never went when we were, you know, when I was growing up. I was just never, never had the chance.
SLIM It was either a new family van or a trip to Disney and I think y`ou made the right call.
DANNY Thank you. Thank you mom and dad.
SLIM I think my only adult memory is, Amanda, my dear wife, we’ve been fortunate enough to go to Disney a few times with James. We went alone shortly after James was born I think for like a pseudo honeymoon. And that was the the first adult memory adult memory I have the Pirates ride. Unfortunately, most of my adult Disney memories are also just that it’s very hot in Florida so I don’t want to get too deep into without sounding like a whiny baby. But the first Pirates movie. Man what a cultural sensation that was when this thing came out. Right? I can’t think of a equivalent where you just realize that a company has struck.
DANNY Finally. [Slim laughs]
SLIM Like not just gold but like you have done it. And they’re just kind of milk this thing probably for as long as it takes because it’s really good.
DANNY I mean the same year that first, I’m pretty sure it was the same year they had the major flop with the Haunted Mansion movie was the same year as the first Pirates movie.
SLIM Oh, wow, I didn’t realize that.
PROTO Oh really?
DANNY Right? I think they’re both 2003 or am I wrong? I’m probably wrong. I’m usually wrong.
SLIM Nobody verify.
DANNY I mean, they had the Tower of Terror TV show, which I think sucked. And they did, they did a Country Bears movie. I mean, yeah, they’ve tried, I don’t think anything, I mean Tomorrowland was fine. I don’t think that anything has stuck quite as well as Pirates did. At least ride equivalent.
SLIM I was able to watch the Tower of Terror TV movie, I thought it was pretty good. Recently, I think, I think there was like a copy on YouTube.
DANNY I think I’ve seen a copy of it at gas stations for like five bucks. [Danny laughs]
SLIM Steve Guttenberg is the star of that movie. So I think he was just on the Disney lot and they just pulled him into filming one day and they filmed all the scenes. So I was stoked to find out that Disney+ has these in 4K.
DANNY Yeah, big deal.
SLIM We’re official on the budget TCL 4K television, get it for like 400 bucks, you know, save up, get it for Christmas. And this is what I was talking about with Jungle Cruise. So my first note, Jungle Cruise has this similar budget to this movie, give or take 20 million. I think it’s like 250 million around for both movies. But I love how these Pirates movies look. I don’t know if it’s just the natural light on the water. Everything just looks so expensive and nice to look at, just visually pleasing. You know, Jungle Cruise kind of look like these are sets. This is a CGI background. You know, you get like a realistic view in these pirates movies. I don’t really know how to explain it. Proto, what did you think when you were sitting down and watch this?
PROTO Yeah, well, I was I was a little bit worried. Because I thought oh, there’s probably a lot of CG in this. I don’t really remember. I’m like, are we gonna have the one of those experiences where you know, you watch in 4K and you kind of regret it. But no, I felt the same way, from the jump, where they are on like this prison island. That just like the level of detail in this movie, everything is just covered in dirt. And it just feels so real and looks so good! Like you’re saying, like the shots of the water. And, and this, this prison island. I was considering watching this with my kids also. And I was like, I don’t know. I don’t remember, you know what it’s like, maybe it’s a little too rough. So I didn’t. I’m glad I didn’t because this movie’s horrifying.
DANNY Yeah, it’s dark.
PROTO Dark stuff in here. But it looks so good!
SLIM Yeah. I think maybe that’s just Gore Verbinski, because The Ring has that kind of timeless look to it. Whether or not you love The Ring, I think it’s a fine movie, but it just looks timeless. And I don’t know if it’s the cinematographer. I didn’t do any research on this. Danny, what did you think when you watched it?
DANNY I’m right there with you. It looks, the 4K, I think the most I was worried about was the CG holding up with Davy Jones. Because he’s such a big part of this film. Even the whole crew on the Flying Dutchman is nothing but CG. And I just, I was baffled with how well David Jones held up. All the close up tentacles. And the barnacles on the faces, like it’s disgusting, but beautiful somehow. I mean, I just couldn’t get over the clarity in the 4K that still held up with this CG on his face. It was, it was baffling.
SLIM He could say that like they did this CG today.
DANNY Yeah, 100%.
SLIM It looks extremely modern. So that’s why I kind of was giving Jungle Cruise a hard time. Like the final act of Jungle Cruise look like they did that on a Mac Book with the CGI and some of that stuff. And then this movie, like come on. Like you can do it. It still looks legit. So that’s why it was like a strange, parallel to Jungle Cruise on this viewing for me.
PROTO Yeah, this movie is now 15 years old. And the Davy Jones CG, I feel like it’s some of best some of the best I’ve ever seen. The fact that it’s someone’s face.
SLIM The whole crew.
PROTO And his whole crew! The fact that it’s his face and you’re so up close on it and it looks so clear. I think I remember feeling this when I when I first watched it, thinking is that a prosthetic? Like is this actually real? Like a practical effect? Because it does look that and then seeing in 4K, it’s kind of mind boggling. Like how did they do this? How does it look this good? Somebody answer this. [Slim & Danny laugh]
SLIM We will stay here all night until someone answers this! I will say too, also the daylight shots where they’re running after the chest and those CGI characters are in broad daylight and you’re like okay, this is where it starts to falter. Right? Nope. It still looks great.
DANNY And you know what’s wild is, I don’t know, if you dug into any of the making of, even those scenes where they’re running in the daylight or on the ship, they are just guys and gray suits with white dots on them. Like that’s it, there’s, there’s nothing else added to them to add to the costume that are literal, I guess I’m imo cap or whatever characters. I mean, the only thing that Bill Nighy had added to him, he had a rubber claw for his left hand. And that was it. Everything else was motion capture for him. And his facial expressions come through flawlessly, on that face. It’s just unreal!
SLIM Proto, what’s on your list for Dead Man’s Chest?
PROTO After my note that the production of this is insane. I love just how they, how they give so many nods to everything that you love about like pirate lore. You know, the first movie did this so great with the cursed treasure, you know, the undead crew, so cool. And then this, you know, pulling in Davy Jones and the locker. I love that scene at the beginning with Jack Sparrow and Bootstrap Bill in the hall of the ship where he comes to Him, and He gives him the black spot. I’m just like that whole world building, like when I you know, first seeing this, just hearing all those bits, because, you know, that’s the stuff that you love, that I love about pirates and those stories. And like that mythology around them. And this movie, just it hits all of that so well. And in such pleasing ways. So that’s my first note. I was just like, you know, when that’s when that scene comes on, he gives him the spot and he’s, he’s got like, you know, they got the crustaceans on their body. They’re like being taken over the longer you’re on the crew. I was just like, you know, just pumping my fist. Yes.
DANNY Every time Bootstraps on the screen. I cannot stop staring at the starfish on his face. It’s like insane. I love it. Like I’m like mooole. [Proto & Slim laugh] Like every time I look at it.
SLIM The backstory, it’s like movie two, you’re thinking, Pirates of Caribbean movie. A lot of fun. Great. And then you’re like there’s even more lore to the world or this universe, which you weren’t — it’s a Pirates of Caribbean movie. With the chances they can continue the lore and still make it cool after the first one, which already had a really cool story. Paul is talking about in chat the Liar’s Dice, and Marcie says that she had that as a game. Danny, do you have Liar’s Dice in your office right now?
DANNY I don’t have Liar’s Dice in my office, no. I’m sorry. [Danny laughs]
SLIM What’s on your list, Danny, for Dead Man’s Chest?
DANNY Yeah, I think another thing I wanted to bring up that we can talk about is Keira Knightley. I know we’ve kind of gushed over like Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley. And now most recently Charlize’s Furiosa, but I feel like Keira Knightley’s Elizabeth should be up there with these badass women. Especially with all of the kind of stunts that she does with the sword fighting. Even so in the second film, I mean, the first film, she doesn’t do as much swordfighting. But this she’s just, she’s so badass. And there’s just the sequences in Tortuga, where she’s fighting in that first kind of bar fight. And then the, the scene where she’s running alongside the, the mill, like, wheel wagon, yeah, type thing. And they’re tossing the swords back and forth. And they’re fighting the CG characters. And I just, I can’t get over how amazing she is in this film. And she’s got to be up there with just one of the most badass female characters in cinema for sure.
SLIM Yeah, yeah, she had so many funny parts in this movie, too. That wheel scene, first of all, that whole wheel sequence is insane. Like so much fun. Oh, my God.
DANNY It’s also real. The thing is, it’s real. There’s, I mean, they’re CG areas where it’s bouncing. But they really strapped these guys in a wheel and roll them down a hill while they swordfight in it. You have to watch that sequence. It’s unreal to watch them make that scene.
SLIM Seven Bucks. Are you listening? This is how it’s done!
DANNY Right? Enough with the CG.
SLIM Hobbs and Shaw end this! Right now.
DANNY Okay, you can’t just say Hobbs and Shaw, getting me worked up.
SLIM That scene is so much fun. She has a bunch of those like, like when they’re arguing by the boat with the chest, Jack and Orlando. And she is like throwing rocks at them. The three of them. They’re fighting like, that’s a really funny scene. [Danny & Slim laugh]
DANNY Yeah, where she faints.
SLIM Yeah, she was hilarious. But yeah, that the wheel scene is legit. The scene where Jack is running away from being the leader of the tribe. He has this the stick on his back the pole when he, you know, he like flips over and gets either side, falls backward. That entire thing looks so good. Like you’re asking yourself like, okay, where’s the CGI seen? I know we’re talking about the lack of CGI or how good everything looks. But it looks good. Okay? That scene where he’s falling down, and then he gets caught, he gets stuck. Oh my god, that’s so much fun. That’s like movie magic right there. It’s so hard to do. But they, he just makes it look so easy. A few times in this movie.
PROTO I forgot how ridiculous some of this is in this movie. And I think that was like the first scene where it was like, oh, yes, this gets pretty out of hand with him just having the stick. He, he catches like eight pieces of giant fruit on that stick. What is going on? [Proto & Slim & Danny laugh]
DANNY I love the face paint, too. I love his three eyes. It looks so rad. It’s so fun.
PROTO Yeah, it’s awesome.
DANNY I mean, real quick going into, since we’re in that scene. I love the bone cage sequence where they’re swinging from the ropes and then having to run down the hill. I mean, that cage is gnarly, to be made of bones. And I just love that sequence. It’s so much fun. It’s so ridiculous. It’s crazy.
SLIM It almost feels like a lot of these scenes where, you know, devised by Imagineers because they could feel like a ride or something you see in a ride that he’s translated so well into the movie. I don’t know, it’s hard — it’s like seeing something that we’ll be talking about for 20 years from now. But it’s like brand new to us today.
PROTO Well, since we’re talking about like, the whole island scene, you know, with the the bone cage and then escaping. When I think about this movie, though, like that whole scene is like completely unnecessary to the story. And there’s a lot of that in this movie.
SLIM It’s a long movie.
PROTO It’s really long. It is really, really long. And there was so many moments in so many scenes where like, the scene ends, and I’m like, did this have to be in this movie? [Danny & Slim laugh] Did we need this scene too? And I don’t know, by the end of it, I felt like I was kind of losing patience. Like and like you’re saying, it looks great. These action sequences. But I was just like, getting fatigued with the movie itself. And just knowing that there’s so much in here that is purely for spectacle and isn’t isn’t needed for the story. I don’t know. Did you guys feel it at all?
DANNY I definitely, I definitely did. Because I remember, when they get the Dead Man’s Chest with the heart. I look at the time bar and we’re only halfway through this film. [Slim laughs]
DANNY Like, they could have stuck a knife in it right there. And it would have been done. But we’re only halfway done when they get the chest and it’s unreal how much more left of this film there is. It is so long.
SLIM Even like freeing Jack from prison. Like That was fun. But you could cut all of that, you could really just change the entire plot of why they need to find Jack. And I mean, you could make this a 90 minute movie.
PROTO There’s so many scenes, like the whole ghost dress scene. [Slim & Danny laugh]
DANNY Yeah, that was unnecessary for sure.
PROTO Even I mean, honestly, you could even cut the swamp scene. But I love the swamp scenes. That’s like one of the scenes where it’s like not totally necessary. You could like tell that a different way to like shorten this movie. But I love that scene so much. With them going there to meet, I forget what the character’s name is. But her relationship, her and Jack, that scene. I just love that scene so much. It’s so good.
DANNY It looks great too. In her little hut. I just wanted to be in there and like touch everything. It was crazy.
SLIM I agree with the timing because I actually couldn’t remember what the status of this movie was in relation to the franchise. So we’re going to talk about the ending, I loved the ending of this movie.
[clip of Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest plays]
TIA DALMA Alright, but if you’re going to brave the weird and haunted shores at world’s end… then, you Will need a Captain who knows those waters.
BARBOSSA [steps down the stairs] So, tell me, what’s become of my ship?
[clip of Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest ends]
SLIM I was so high on this movie came out and when it ended, when that big reveal happened, I was like, that’s like pumping the air. I’m like, you know, cheering at the end of this movie, this felt like Empire Strikes Back ending or whatever you want to call it. It just felt so cool and fun, like this shock reveal. And almost like kind of Matrix Reloaded, cliffhanger type deal? Because did they film two and three at the same time?
DANNY Yeah, they filmed two and three at the same time. So people knew the third one was coming. So leaving out the cliffhanger Jack and the kraken was brilliant.
PROTO Yeah. You don’t get that that often in movies, just to have a cliffhanger like that and a movie and just knowing that they’re saying, hey, you’re getting another one, it’s coming, is so much fun.
SLIM Was it before Marvel like cinematic universe? I can’t remember if this was around that era. Because this, Marcie says yes, this one, I guess, technically started a lot of that modern stuff. You know, filming the movies around the same time, having a plan for the third one. I know other movies did it historically. But in terms of modern movies, like there’s another one coming soon, I guess Harry Potter too. Maybe.
DANNY I watched on the making ofs, was when Gore was talking about filming two and three back to back. It was because of how hard it was to get Johnny and Orlando and Keira’s schedules to line up to even come back for the second one. And so they revisited the set of Tortuga where they built and it sat there and they said it survived like three hurricanes. The whole set was still there. So they just kind of rebuilt it a little bit more and ended up filming both movies back to back because they weren’t sure how soon they’re gonna get the three of them back together.
SLIM Can you imagine having to film these movies back to back as like an actor?
DANNY 200 days filming.
SLIM Geeze Louise. No thanks. Will Turner in my notes, Will Turner as a pirate and also his leather jacket. God dang. He looks great in this movie. [Danny laughs] I’m ready for an Orlando Bloom pirates franchise at this point. I’m not sure if anyone was actually rocking those leather jackets back then because that was the thinnest pirate jacket I’ve ever seen. But he looked great.
DANNY Man. Every time he had a sword or was fighting or just kind of said something. I’m like, man, I really want to watch Lord of the Rings so bad. It’s like, get me into Rivendell right now.
SLIM Yeah, McKenzie, called out Kill Bill is another example of a modern-ish movie that was filmed together and split. Oh man. Kill Bill. Quentin, can we get a 4K of that? The second that has a 4K we are doing a show. I’m calling it right now. Proto, anything else in your list for Pirates 2, Dead Man’s Chest?
PROTO Um, well, yeah. Again, with just Davy Jones, amazing character. The choice for how to portray that crew and the design of them of just the you know, the look of them and just all the information that’s communicated by just the way they appear. His deal, like we talked a little bit about the dice game. You know, bootstrap getting enslaved for eternity. And then when he first has the those, the, I think it’s like one of the first scenes with him, where there’s like six sailors, and he’s asking them what they want. Just a great scene. And his face, how it moves and the things that happen. Like when he speaks he has like those, he like pops his words and he like clicks his tongue, just the mannerisms of the character are so good.
SLIM Reminds me of Proto with that like mouth click when he’s eating those chocolates on record. [Slim laughs]
PROTO I’ve never had chocolate on the show.
SLIM I just want to point out that that Photoshop in chat is one of the most revolting things I’ve ever seen. The thumb beard. [Slim & Proto laugh] Danny! Oh my God.
PROTO I look great.
SLIM Proto’s forehead looks amazing in this. Keira, I love the puppeteering scene with that dress. Like that was so fun. That’s another one of those like fun ride-ish things like if we’re on a modern, even more modern version. Like I could see her doing that and we’re just like zipping by it. We don’t, we haven’t talked about Jack that much. You know, disclaimer, Johnny Depp allegedly abuse Amber Heard and vice versa. So there’s, the jury’s still out on whether or not they’re both creeps, especially Johnny. So when I sat down to watch this, I was actually getting kind of worried. Like, am I over Jack Sparrow? Like, this is a two and a half hour movie. Am I ready for Jack Sparrow for two and a half hours? Because today, you know, like his I feel like Jack Sparrow’s time is, you know, paused, so to speak. And they had like three other movies after this, but him as Jack Sparrow when this movie came out, like lightning in a bottle is like the understatement of the century with this character. He was everywhere. It was insane! Like he became a Disney character, he’s in the ride. Danny, what do you think of Jack Sparrow for this viewing?
DANNY It’s funny, I was gonna bring up like what would be like the Johnny Depp movie like for you that kind of like defined him? And for me if for a while it was Blow. I love Johnny Depp and Blow. It’s an incredible movie. But man, just it’s hard to think of Johnny Depp and not think of what he did with Jack Sparrow. I mean his mannerisms, it didn’t feel inspired by anything. It felt original and something that he just kind of worked up, I just, it’s incredible.
PROTO Yeah, that’s a good point. It is like a very original character especially because the I don’t know who else could have pulled this off. Especially like the effeminate tones that the character has that just works so well with the the tones of this movie. Yeah, he just nails it. I mean this is like peak Johnny Depp right? I mean, it’s got, at his height before you know, he kind of goes off the rails a little a little bit with Tim Burton.
SLIM I was gonna say I’ve read some like Rolling Stone articles that like long form writer spends weekend with Johnny Depp. That dude is nuts. [Slim laughs] He has like blown all of his money. He is in incredible debt and then all this stuff about like the assault came out. It just sucks because Paul points out in chat, I like that he went to children’s hospitals in character. Man, you blew it. You had, you’re set as Jack Sparrow. Like you, you could be this character for the next 30 years and everyone’s gonna love you. But yeah, it just kind of bums me out. But I feel like even before then maybe the character went the distance anyway.
PROTO I think the one thing I wanted though watching this it’s over the top a little bit with like, the action is very playful. It’s like family oriented. It kind of made me want a serious dramatic pirate movie. Because I can’t really think of a movie that really does that that well. Like we have movies that are based on ships, like you watched Master and Commander or whatever with Russell Crowe but I mean, is there a dramatic pirate story that looks this good that’s come out in recent memory? Like I don’t think anyone has really —
SLIM No one’s gonna put like $300 million on a modern pirates movie, I guess.
DANNY It wouldn’t look as good. I mean, they built the ships. Like the Black Pearl was a ship that they sailed around the island to get better shots. Like they have actual, The Flying Dutchman. Like it’s insane the production value of this film, and the stuff that created just to make it look authentic. And how about Hans Zimmer score? I mean, it’s an incredible, memorable score. You hear the scorch kick in and you know, you’re listening to Pirates. You know it’s Pirates.
SLIM John Williams, retire. [Danny laughs] You’re finished. Anything else on my notes? Yeah, I loved Jack. I mean, when he breaks out of that coffin, and he does the like periscope move with the gun. There’s no reason to do that but it’s hilarious.
DANNY So silly. The kraken. I love the kraken.
SLIM Oh, yeah, we didn’t talk abou tthat.
DANNY The kraken’s gnarly. Like super gnarly. When it sucks that guy’s face off. Which makes no sense. But it was gross. I love loading the cannons up and shooting the tentacles and I love it. I mean, I love that stuff.
PROTO How about when Jack gets a mouthful from it?
SLIM Oh, my God. That was a revolting. Great screenshot waiting to happen. [Danny laughs] Can we get Proto’s face in that? Reface the kraken’s spittle scene? [Slim laughs] Discord’s gonna flag that as NSFW.
DANNY Yeah, we can’t do that.
SLIM Oh, the onset of the movie where I think her dad is trashing Captain Jack Sparrow, but one of the characters refers to them as Jack. And then both correct him as Captain Jack. I thought that was —
DANNY Mr. Collins.
SLIM Yeah, that was a great scene. Also Keira’s character at the end of this movie, you know, sends Jack to his death, really. And she’s beating herself up about it by the end of the movie. So that’s when I started a piece together. I was like, wait a minute, this ends with Jack dying and she’s like, real sad about it. So I like that ending. I like to also her character having to battle through that kind of regret of sending him to his presumed death and then change her mind like okay, let’s see if we can get him back. So a great idea for the third movie, you know, search for Jack or whatever to bring him back.
PROTO How about the sexual tension between Elizabeth and Jack? Some of those conversations — that conversation they had, it’s like R-rated, maybe X-rated, inappropriate I found.
[clip of Pirate of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest plays]
ELIZABETH Curiosity. You’re going to want it — a chance to be admired — and gain the rewards that follow. You won’t be able to resist. You’re going to want to know what it tastes like.
JACK I do want to know what it tastes like.
ELIZABETH But seeing as you’re a good man, I know that you’d never put me in a position that would compromise my honor.
[clip of Pirate of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest ends]
SLIM I thought I wrote down some of the lines because I felt like there was some triple entendres in that scene as well.
PROTO You want to know what a [bleep]? [Slim laughs]
SLIM Oh yeah that’s it! How did that make it into the movie? That was scandalous!
PROTO Geeze! Bleep that out. [Slim & Danny laugh] I don’t want that on record.
SLIM I don’t want that being clipped on someone’s voicemail. Oh my gos. Art makes a great point and I didn’t say this in my review for Jungle Cruise. It’s a look of ones like this that makes me sad when I watched the new Mulan or the trailer for Jungle Cruise. Because remember, we we did the Mulan episode and we all said the costumes look like they just came off the rack. You know, ironed, they looked hard to move in. That’s what Jungle Cruise looked like. You know they’re not worn and then you see this. And it’s like the bar like no one else can meet the bar for this.
PROTO What is Gore doing? Where is he? Can we bring him back?
SLIM Gore, please.
PROTO Is he the key?
SLIM What’s he working on? Danny? Didn’t you research Gore?
DANNY No, you did.
PROTO Oh, I was looking at it.
DANNY Someone did.
PROTO Oh, it’s called Spaceless, a man wakes up inside of spacesuit tumbling helplessly through space with a computer designed to keep him company until his air runs out.
DANNY Hmm. I love it. I’m in.
SLIM Scarlett Johansson is gonna —
DANNY Okay. [Slim laughs]
PROTO They’ll fall in love.
SLIM Final thoughts Proto and your rating for Pirates of Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest.
PROTO Yeah, this this movie. It looks amazing. I love the characters. It’s a ton of fun. Unfortunately, it’s 45 minutes too long. I pretty much was checking out at what point of the movie was that? Yeah, I guess whenever they, I guess maybe when they get the chest. Honestly, yeah. When they pick up the chest everything after that. I don’t know, man. I know you guys were talking about that wheel scene. The wheel scene is like 15 minutes long.
DANNY Worth every minute.
PROTO And is unbelievably stupid.
SLIM Wrong, but that’s okay.
PROTO Cut it out. Idiotic. The kraken fight scene, way too long. It’s just like, will this ever end? Please end this for me. So the end of the movie is really rough. I just like wasn’t interested that much but I mean it’s beautiful. It’s fun. I give three stars.
SLIM It makes me ill thinking that you thought that wheel scene was too long. Physically ill.
PROTO It’s so long! Come on!
SLIM This is this is fun, Proto. This is swash buckling.
PROTO It’s not fun!
DANNY Swash buckling.
PROTO Physics. You ever hear of physics?
DANNY They did it in real time, Proto.
PROTO Who has a three way swordfight?! Now I’m getting riled up. This whole everyone’s fighting, everyone switching sides at the end of the fight. How do you have a three way sword fight? Like wait until they’re both swinging and then you stab the guy! It’s not that hard. It makes no sense at all in this.
SLIM The guy has a starfish on his face. What more do you want? [Danny laughs]
PROTO Davy Jones pirates, those guys are like undead crustaceans! How are they not just decimating these humans within their flesh bags?
SLIM Dylan in chat ‘worst take of all time.’ Quote.
PROTO Who’s Dylan? [Slim & Danny laugh]
SLIM My rating, final thoughts, this is long. It looks amazing, imo. It’s a lot of fun. I also started to get a little bit bored. There are, the scenes are too long. The ending is just so fun for me. It just like revived any kind of boredom I had towards these movies. I’m not positive on my rating yet. I gotta marinate a little bit more. But so I’m three and a half, four stars for this. Stay tuned on release day for my official rating. The ending is just so fun. I forgot about it and I just felt like a kid again. Not that I was a kid when I saw this, but it’s so lovable. Danny?
DANNY I think last week I said the reason I was torn was because this was my favorite of the Verbinski trilogy. But after watching the first one this week, which is easily five banger. I don’t think this lives up to as well paced as the first film. This is a little bit long, some scenes drag, I don’t know what would be cut.
PROTO I’ll tell ya.
DANNY But I have so much fun with this film. I’m pretty addicted to pirate stuff anyway, I just kind of love this lore. I love being on a boat, like just put me on the ocean. That’s what I want to be. It’s in my heart. For me, this is just short. It’s four and a half stars.
SLIM Shoooo. Wow.
PROTO Ooooff. [Slim laughs]
SLIM Can we get a Proto oof meme? We got to be able to make that happen. VGER the supercomputer who loves movies that Proto built which you can see at 70mmpod.com. The average rating among our patrons, three and a half stars.
SLIM Marcie in chat three and a half stars. Groogruxdave Pirates 2: Davy Jones Boogaloo.
PROTO Oh Dylan give it five stars. That’s why he’s crying.
SLIM Dylan gave five stars? My gosh. Will Lattner says way too long. Dylan’s review ‘Davy Jones walked so Thanos could run.’
SLIM You heard it here first.
SLIM There you have it, Pirates of Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest, very glad we watched it. Summer Blockbuster Month Part Two rolls on. Just if you’re joining right now, you skipped ahead for the segment. I already announced my pick for next week. It’s Signs, M. Night Shyamalan.
DANNY Oh my gosh. I’m so excited.
SLIM You talk about sob knob? You ain’t seen nothing yet. Next week.
DANNY We’re gonna be cranking it. [Slim laughs]
SLIM God dang. I mean the swing away scene.
DANNY Stop. [Slim laughs] Not yet, Slim.
SLIM The flashback!
DANNY No spoilers. People haven’t seen it.
SLIM That’s not, those aren’t spoilers. I’m just saying words. It’s not gonna ruin anything for you. We have a voicemail to get to, you can leave us a voicemail or a letter at 70mmpod.com. So let’s get into that right now right meow.
VOICEMAIL Hello, my friends. This is Delilah. First time caller, longtime listener. Just want to say I’m so excited to hear what you think of the best movie Mad Max: Fury Road. And I can’t wait to see Danny’s art, which I will buy ASAP. And love you guys and take care. Thank you for reviewing my favorite movie. Bye.
SLIM Delilah, thank you. What an episode that was last week.
DANNY Big one.
PROTO The connection people have with that movie. It’s inspiring.
SLIM Barnburner of an ep. Thank you so much for the VM. I hope you enjoyed the episode and the art which obviously is amazing. McKenzie in chat pointing out a one star rating for Signs —
DANNY Oh gosh.
SLIM In our Discord. She @’d him too. [Slim laughs]
DANNY Get him McKenzie. She’s not messing around.
SLIM Oh my gosh, next week. We got a big week next week. And we’re doing the draft tonight. I got a DM former producer.
DANNY You better start DMing him now.
SLIM Eyes on my phone, ending the show now.
PROTO Eyes on me.
SLIM So just a reminder, we’re doing a fun VHS Village Olympics next week just in our Discord. If you’re not in our Discord, you can support our fundraiser that we’re doing as well for the Human Rights Campaign, which is at $680 right now, just in the few days that we announced this. So if you’re not around, you can’t play, you can’t listen to us play Cinephile with some friends of ours. By all means, use the link in our episode notes to donate or stay tuned, you’re not gonna be able to listen to this. You know? It’s just for our friends in Discord. Just for us. Proto, can you take us out for this episode? Next week, Signs.
PROTO Gosh, I’m seeing some messages. People haven’t seen Signs, please.
PROTO Last week, I pledged to try to get to the theater. I tried, I didn’t make it. Now I’m asking all of you to try to watch Signs with us this week. Pledged to try. Say it out loud everyone. I pledged to try to watch Signs. It’s gonna be a fun ep. And you know, Dylan, I’m sorry. I just have to apologize to Dylan. I got heated. I took it out on you. I know who you are. I apologize. [Slim laughs] Thank you for speaking your truth Dylan.
SLIM Dylan shut his phone off. He’s gone. He’s probably in bed and hopefully he makes it to the end of this episode. We’ll see everybody next week for Signs.
[70mm theme song ramps up, plays alone, fades out]
SLIM 70mm is a TAPEDECK production featuring original artwork provided by Danny Haas. Spiritual guidance and VGER, the robot who loves movies created by Protolexus. Producer emeritus Dale_a. Prints and other merch are available on 70mmpod.com. This episode was mixed, edited and produced by me, Slim. You can support our Patreon for access to the VHS Village Discord to talk movies with new friends, access to exclusive episodes, discounts on merch, and a physical membership card mailed to you. To check out other TAPEDECK podcasts, find the link in the episode notes. And if you’d like to support our friends at Letterboxd and upgrade to Pro or Patron status, you can do so with a 20% off discount using the links at 70mmpod.com. Goodbye!